Posted by Elizabeth

I’ve never been a huge fan of the 4^th of July.  With a deep and abiding fear of fire, a holiday that revolves around barbecues and pyrotechnics sort of freaks me out.  And as one might expect from a change-a-holic I’m not long on tradition, so every year I think of a different way to commemorate the day.  One year, when I was feeling particularly patriotic, I read David McCullough’s 1776, a 297-page tome that details the circumstances of our country’s fight for independence.  Last year, with ten days remaining before my husband, Maikael, and I embarked on an eight-month trip around the world, we went the nontraditional route, enjoying pizza in the backyard with friends.  This year I’ve created my own Declaration of Independence – think of it as a Mid-Year Resolution – a treatise that affirms the forces I’m trying to free myself from.

• I declare myself free from watching Wife Swap on Lifetime during lunch.

• I declare myself free from the evil clutches of FEAR, in all of its ugly manifestations.

• I declare myself free from my deepest cooking fears, and will finally master candy-making, bread-baking, barbecued meats, lattice-top pie crusts, croissants, doughnuts, pancakes, fried chicken and stuffing a turkey.

• I declare myself free from the shackles of small dreams.

• I declare myself free from hours of mindless Internet surfing.

• I declare myself free from “go-to” recipes.

• I declare myself free from people who don’t support my growth, development, and best interests.

• I declare myself free from Multiple Food Personality Disorder (MFPD: a disorder whose features include an inability to create a salient “food identity,” and is marked by role confusion over such labels as vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, flexitarian, and carnivore).

• I declare myself free from spending that moves me away from my goals.

• I declare myself free of judging people too harshly, and promise to practice more compassion.

• I declare myself free of work that withers my spirit.

• I declare myself free of crappy reading material.

• I declare myself free of excuses regarding not enough time, not enough money.

• I declare myself free of procrastination in the form of overdue phone calls and housekeeping.

• I declare myself free from sending mixed messages to the Universe.

• I declare myself free from wearing clothes that make me feel fat or ugly.

• I declare myself free from listening to Paula Abdul’s Vibeology ad nauseum as my “c’mon, let’s get fired up” song at the gym.

• I declare myself free from sleeping in and wearing pajamas all day, despite the fact that I’m currently unemployed.

• I declare myself free from my fear of setting the Speed on the treadmill above 5.5 (convinced, of course, that a portal in the space-time continuum will open up and swallow me whole).

This year, I’m going to slap on my great-grandmother’s sparkly American flag pin, a gaudy piece of costume jewelry that I recently unearthed at the bottom of my jewelry box.  I’m going to wear red, white, and blue.  I’m going to toddle over to a friend’s house, where I’ll enjoy a slice of French Silk Pie (not wanting to seem un-patriotic, we have renamed this pie – tongue and cheek, of course – Freedom Silk Pie).  We’ll uncork a bottle of Gorgeous George merlot, a wine whose quality is suspect, but whose label, with its soft-lens portrait of George Washington Himself, couldn’t be more perfect for celebrating the 4^th.

However you choose to celebrate, take a moment to think of the things you wish to declare your independence from.  I’d love to hear about it.  Until next week, we wish you, dear LiP Readers, a safe and fun-filled 4^th of July!

PS:  The salted caramel ice cream turned out perfectly, the ideal treat for a sultry summer evening.  Invoking the spirit of The Flying Squirrel, I immediately slathered two homemade chocolate chip cookies with the creamy concoction and made myself one fine ice cream sandwich.  Imitators are highly encouraged.  If you’re feeling inspired, send me your photos and I’ll post them!