Posted by Anne

I’ve always been an avid reader, and my favorite authors tend to share two qualities: 1) British, and 2) Dead. But every so often, I do veer outside 19^th-century England. Of my favorite non-British authors, Barbara Kingsolver ranks right at the top. (Incidentally, Elizabeth is a big fan too.) Barbara (yes, we’re on a first-name basis) published a collection of essays in 2002 titled Small Wonder. One of the essays is called “Letter to a Daughter at 13”, and it’s easily my favorite in the collection. In it, she speaks to her daughter—she marvels at her transformation from a girl to woman. She offers some advice, but mostly observation. I love this essay, because I’ve always had a somewhat academic interest in adolescent girls.  I’m not sure why, unless it gives me a socially acceptable excuse to bust out my DVD copy of The Princess Diaries every so often.

Anyway, I don’t have a daughter yet to observe or write to, but part of me has often wished I could send a message to myself at 13. Since that tender and vulnerable age, the changes in myself have been massive—and appropriately so. I wish I could tell the 13-year-old Anne that change is a-comin’…and all for the good. What would you tell yourself at age 13?  If I could send a letter, here is what I’d say…

No, my handwriting bears no resemblance to this.

Dear Annie,

You’re not loving age 13, are you? This is the year you grow taller—but not as tall as you’d like. The year you become familiar with the term “pear-shaped”. The year that one of your best friends breaks your heart. But let me reassure you…there are some wonderful changes for you on the horizon. A sneak peek at those changes, and some advice thrown in.

This is the year you will discover Jane Austen. She will be your escape every time you hurt. But beware—Mr. Darcy is just a character. Don’t go looking for aloof rich men.

In the next couple years, you will make friends that will remain your friends for the rest of your life. You’ll have your ups and downs, but do not give up on them. They will change you and challenge you.

You will love college. The second you step on campus, you will become a new version of yourself—one that doesn’t feel the pressure to wear an artificial smile every second of the day. You’ll learn to be smart without it defining you. You’ll find your professional home.

You will learn to fly-fish. You will love it.

You will travel. You will become more adventurous than you ever thought you could.

You will stop being so nervous in front of crowds. You will teach, and you will love it.

You’ll grow tired of guessing whether boys like you, so you’ll just start asking them. You’ll become assertive. In some cases, the answer won’t be the one you want, and you’ll be crushed. But keep asking—someday he won’t just like you; he’ll love you.

You will go through multiple fashion phases: androgynous tomboy, uptight English governess, premature soccer Mom, and earthy. You’ll find some balance and hit your stride after grad school. I have no idea why this will take so long. Just roll with it.

Someday, change will scare you. But that’s silly—because change is what will make you the person you are. Please continue to change.

Sincerely,

Annie-at-29

Evidence of travel and adventure