Ask Again Later
Posted by Anne
The answer to all life's questions
In case you’ve been wondering, the “Magic 8-Ball” was released sometime around 1950. This means it’s been providing instant guidance to soul-searching individuals for 30 years longer than I’ve been alive. This also means there’s been a Magic 8-Ball around for each and every one of my decisions, life transitions, and existential questions. You know, the big questions like, “Does the dude from statistics class really like me…like, you know, as more than just friends??” (Fear not, I haven’t asked that one in at least, oh, 4 years?)
As you are probably aware, the Magic 8 Ball dispenses tidbits of knowledge in response to the user’s frantic need to know the future. In truth, the 8-Ball’s responses are more irritating than prophetic. Who hasn’t thrown it on the floor in a fit of frustration when all it can provide is a measly “Outlook—Not So Good.” But for me, there is one 8-Ball response that outranks them all in its infuriating ambiguity: “Ask Again Later.” Oh, what…you’re too busy right now? Your cosmic sources aren’t available to provide the key to my future? (And yes, sometimes I do speak to the 8-Ball.) But in spite of my reaction, I do what the 8-Ball says. I ask again later. A whole 20 seconds later.
I hate it when the path gets foggy...
I’ve never been great with ambiguity. I’m not unique in that respect—I’m just one of the zillions of people who want to know what’s supposed to happen next. And I want to know it now. I envy people like my husband, who can calmly approach the future with a sage and patient, “We’ll figure it out when the time comes.” I try to emulate him—I really do. But mostly I just drive him nuts with my questions, musings, and hypothetical scenarios.
But I have to believe that my constant need to know the unknowable—to always have a plan—has been affirmed by this culture of ours. I recently read a fabulous book by Ann Patchett, called What Now? The book is actually a commencement address she gave to her college alma mater, but it’s applicable to any phase of life—not just the graduating senior.
In the book, Patchett shares her own winding path, and the number of times she was faced with the question, What Now? Our culture is obsessed with this question. When you begin dating someone…When’s the wedding? When you get married…When’s the baby? When you graduate…What will you do with the rest of your life? So I have to wonder…maybe it’s not just me?
What I love about Patchett’s book is how her story demonstrates everything I know to be true but can never really
I've decided to be Ann Patchett when I grow up!
digest…there isn’t a prescribed path to bliss, and you don’t really know how you’ll get there until you just live it. Cliché? Maybe. True? Yes.
I hate to admit it, but I guess the old 8-Ball harbors some wisdom after all. Maybe I really should put it away, and ask again later.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 am
I have a friend who would answer you with the very “alternative” approach: Be where you are. Also expressed by one of my church ladies as: Bloom where you’re planted. I’ve never liked hearing either one of those phrases, actually.
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:22 am
Ah, the magic 8-ball, the Ouija Board, crystal ball, fortune cookies – all those things that are supposed to provide guidance and certainty of what is to come and yet none of them really is reliable. How many times have we all gotten proverbs instead of fortunes in our cookies? Yet another example of not “being in the moment”. As I get older, I try to appreciate “nowness” more – I am still trying. Since, as I wrote in response to an early Elizabeth post, no one seems to want to use the script I wrote for my life, I try to roll with the punches more.
My favorite example is from my Uncle John. Once when he and Aunt Marietta were travelling – he the driver, she the navigator – they were headed to Tucson and she gave him a wrong direction. “That’s all right, Marietta, we’ve never been to Phoenix.”
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:22 am
Here’s what you need, Anne!
http://www.mcphee.com/items/11742.html
I think you’re right, about having a real cultural obsession with “the need to know,” as well as the “what next” needing to coincide with specific milestones. As I wrote about last week, since my own milestones tend to be “off time,” I’ve have to negotiate a lot of these inevitable questions. I think Patchett is right, that we have to create our own paths to happiness, but I’m sometimes guilty of seeing someone who I deem successful and trying to “copy” their lives, convinced I’ll achieve the same result. It’s taken me years to realize it doesn’t work this way (subject of future blog post?).
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:31 am
I also want to be Ann Patchett when I grow up.
Since I havent had access to a Magic 8 ball in a while, I will often create my own predictive tool. “If I throw this piece of paper at the trash can and it goes in (from 10 feet away), then my article will get published.”
I have never done any studies on how accurate this tool is, but it always makes me feel better when the paper swishes into the can.
We humans are strange.
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 am
Uncertainty wouldn’t be so bad if we could only know how important any given point of indecision is going to be in the long run. Obviously, “What are we doing this weekend?”, or even “Where are we going for our next vacation?” probably are not going to change the course of your life. But, “Who am I going to marry?”, or “What am I going to do for a living?”, are going to shape your life. The real problem is knowing which of the many other points of indecision really matter in the big picture, and which don’t. The advice of “don’t sweat the small stuff” is much easier to follow if you only knew what is the small stuff.
And then, if you have the confidence that you are going to land on your feet and not on your head (my glass is never half empty), there is some great excitement in the unknowing.
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:16 am
I totally agree, Jeff. I tend to sweat the small stuff that doesn’t end up mattering in the end, and falling into the big things that dramatically alter the course of my lief.
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I am a firm believer in you make your own destiny. The “Que Sera, Sera what ever will be” attitude is not for me. My wife always says “if we can’t get it, then it was not meant to be.” I say get while the gettin’ is good. I can’t just wait around for things to fall in my lap. I need to peruse. But it does tend to lead to a lot more disappointment.