The Dark Passenger
Posted by Elizabeth
My current favorite television program is Dexter, a show about a serial killer’s serial killer. I know, I know: a program that addresses the everyday life of a cold-blooded killer is not everyone’s cup of tea. But it’s a psychologically complex drama that goes beyond exploring the motivations of a serial killer, delving even deeper into what it means to be human. The show manages to illuminate that Dexter isn’t that different from you and I (stay with me: I promise I’m not leading up to revealing that I’m a serial killer.) On the surface, Dexter leads a rather ordinary life. He has a family, he goes to work (as a police blood-spatter analyst — talk about finding your calling), he hosts backyard barbecues and ferries his kids to school. But on his journey through life he’s accompanied by “The Dark Passenger,” the part of his psyche that feels a need to kill.
I think we all have a Dark Passenger. Not, like Dexter, an alter ego that’s aimed to kill, but the voice at the back of our mind that nags at us. My Dark Passenger urges me constantly towards change. Its voice is insistent. You need to do something more. Be something more. Like Dexter, most of us do a pretty good job of keeping our Dark Passenger – whatever it may be, for every person’s passenger is different — at bay. For months at a time I am satisfied living my everyday life, easily finding satisfaction in the small things. I joyfully tend to my garden or cook a fancy dinner at home or wrap a beautiful gift with gilded paper. For awhile it’s enough. How could I have ever wanted more? I wonder. And then The Dark Passenger begins whispering sweet-nothings in my ear. How can this possibly be enough? You were made for bigger things. Admit it: you are BORED. I stuff in earplugs, I wear earmuffs, I try my hardest to block out the noise. I redouble my efforts. I make new friends. I try new things. But The Dark Passenger persists. A steady diet of ordinary and everyday suddenly fails to provide nourishment, and my emotional blood sugar comes crashing down around me. I am irritable, antsy, and edgy. I pace around the house, constantly wondering, Now what? The simple pleasures are no longer pleasurable.
Do I indulge The Dark Passenger? Do I begin making plans for something new? Do I let the possibilities take hold? Do I let my imagination run rampant, spinning dreams of something bigger? Something grander? Do I accept The Dark Passenger into my life? Or do I sit tight and ride this through? Do I focus more intently on the life I have? Do I get back on the horse, the bandwagon, the proverbial diet plan, and put The Dark Passenger to rest for good?
Who – or what – is your “Dark Passenger?” What voice persists at the back of your head that you just can’t seem to shake?
October 21st, 2009 at 11:17 am
E, I totally feel like I wrote today’s entry. WOW! I got nothin’ I can add because you already nailed my issue!
October 21st, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I feel this way every day of my life. Every day.
I don’t think that everybody feels like that. I know several people close to me are very content where they are in life. I asked them. They want to be the best they can be with where they are at, so to that end they seek improvment, but they are content in their world.
Maybe they have climbed to the top of their mountain already, and we just haven’t yet?
October 21st, 2009 at 2:03 pm
P.S. Dexter looks freaky.
October 21st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
While not everyone struggles with the same feeling of forever wanting (you are right, I, too, know lots of people who are satisfied with where they are at, and I am forever jealous), I think we all have an Achilles heel, something that nags at us. But maybe I’m wrong? And Dexter is a phenomenally written and acted show!
October 21st, 2009 at 3:35 pm
I have a bus load of dark passengers — or maybe a crowded mini-van. I would drop them all off but somehow I can’t slow down to let them get out.
October 21st, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I call it the voice of consciousness. Without change we can’t grow. Keeping our minds and hearts open brings us into contact with new people, opportunities, and rewarding ways of being.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 am
Oprah has a little to say on your subject,(and a test to take as well). What are we “really” meant to be doing with our lives . . . ?”
http://www.oprah.com/magazine/omagazine
October 28th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Oh, I LOVE Dexter! It was my favorite show before we left. What does it say about us that our favorite show is about a serial killer?!? Are you watching the new season? I’m so jealous if you get to see it.
I take up a new challenge when the “dark passenger” comes around. He needs things to keep him entertained. No killing (of course). Haha. I think that’s why I start and stop so many things.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I hear ya, Jodi, as the consummate change-a-holic. And yes, we have a friend whose house we get to go and see Dexter every Sunday. Are you jealous?