Accept the Mystery
Posted by Elizabeth
Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.
Sounds like something printed on the flimsy strip of paper nestled inside a fortune cookie, doesn’t it? But it is, in fact, the opening line to The Coen Brothers’ new film A Serious Man. They are also the words that reverberated through my brain as I turned, mouth agape, to Maikael as the credits began to roll, the curtain having closed on the film with a brisk thud.
That’s the end?
I love movies that conclude in a messy manner. I hate the pretty bow tied neatly around a story. The movie doesn’t have to end happily – in fact, I’d prefer that it didn’t – but I like to feel a sense of conclusion, a sense that the story has come to a close. The Coen Brothers never offer me this, striking at the heart of my love/hate relationship with their films, but in this case the cryptic ending serves the purpose of the story. As we drove home from the theatre discussing the film, a film whose theme dives squarely into the uncertainties of life (and what is Life in Pencil if not an exploration of life’s uncertainties?), the point soon became clear.
Accept the mystery.
Larry Gopnik, the film’s protagonist, a nerdy physics professor and decent human being whose life suddenly falls to shambles for no good reason, finds himself being bribed by one of his students. Dr. Gopnik tries to return the money to the student, who denies having left it in his office. Finally the student’s father shows up on his doorstep, threatening to sue him for defamation. When Dr. Gopnik tries to press Mr. Park for information – “So your son did leave the money?” – he responds simply, “Accept the mystery.”
Accept the mystery. How wonderful! How liberating! How refreshing! And yet, like Larry Gopnik, I do a terrible job of accepting the mystery of life. I’m not so concerned with what’s going to happen next as I am with understanding why it’s happening in the first place. Like a good counselor, I turn everything around in my head, squeezing meaning from the most innocent circumstances. What does it all mean? I ask myself on a nearly daily basis. The film suggests such analysis is futile, while also illuminating that it’s a pretty human response to want to make meaning of our uncertain lives, our chaotic circumstances. Still, some of us do a better job than others at shrugging our shoulders and saying, “Who knows?” At this I fail miserably. Nothing is simple, and I do my best to make things unnecessarily complicated. Despite the relative simplicity of my outward life, my interior world often feels like a muddled mess.
The film got me wondering how my life might be different if I could manage to accept, rather than constantly analyze and critique, the mystery that is life. Studies repeatedly show that we’re happier with less choice – does the same hold true for complexity? Would I be happier if I could simply accept the mystery? Am I adding depth and enrichment to my life by searching for complexity, or am I sucking the intrinsic joy out of deceptively simple experiences? As much as I’d love to be able to accept life at face value, I can’t help but wonder if part of what makes us human is that search for truth amongst the mystery. Even though we know we’ll likely never find the answer, the search itself seems important. For who amongst us hasn’t found ourselves in the middle of a giant mess that we don’t know how we got ourselves into, flung our head back towards the heavens, and called out, “Why is this happening to me?”
How easily do you “accept the mystery” or “receive with simplicity everything that happens to you?” Do you think it’s a reasonable, an even noble, goal? Or, are we doomed to forever grapple with these questions?
October 29th, 2009 at 6:18 am
“Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you” is too passive. And life is more complicated than that. Take the time I was featured in a newspaper article and portrayed as a suburban lunatic. Embarrassed and betrayed, I called the reporter, who said “Yes, I should have told you the angle had changed, I should have called you to respond to the quote refuting you, but my editor told me to make you look bad.” AHA! She had just admitted to malicious intent. I went straight to the editor in chief and the publisher, who were aghast. They ordered an internal investigation. All hell broke loose at the paper. I could easily have sued, but I didn’t. It all worked out great in the end. The newspaper now treats me, and my clients, very well. It was an opportunity for everyone to forge a better relationship.
I am so glad I didn’t listen to all the people who said “Just drop it, just move on.”
Sometimes yes, accept the mystery – but decide that on a case-by-case basis.
October 29th, 2009 at 6:56 am
Actually, I think I’m better at accepting the mystery of the present than the mystery of the future. I can usually make sense of things, or even when I can’t–I can grapple. And that feels more active than a big wide open future of ambiguity.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I think there is truth to both sides. Sure, sometimes we make a big mess out of things that are better left alone. But we are intelligent, curious people with active minds. We are not meant to just say “Hmm” and move on every time something confuses us.
Think of all the things we now understand because someone wasn’t willing to accept the mystery – space travel, gravity, electronics, the solar system, etc.
I haven’t seen “A Serious Man” yet, but I think their premise of accepting the mystery is probably a tidy and curious little adage that works well in the context of the movie, but not so well in real life. Ironically, if you look hard at it, it may be exactly the little bow on top that they try to avoid. It’s just masquerading as a conundrum.
November 1st, 2009 at 3:48 pm
For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.
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If you know anyone in a 12-step recovery program (of one kind or another) you might also know that the practice of “acceptance” by program adherents is a fundamental aspect of those programs.
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The “Serenity Prayer” is often included (at least in part) in the written materials used by many recovery programs. This tells me that “acceptance” must be an important part of recovery and establishment of a less troubled manner of living.
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Here’s a couple of “Serenity Prayer” versions that might be of interest to you:
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1. The original prayer is as follows:
“God give us grace, to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”
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2. The most popular version reads:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can change, And wisdom to know the difference.”
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3. The longest version has these additional lines:
“Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.”
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There are also humorous versions of the prayer now in circulation:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
- author unknown
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
courage to change the one I can change,
and wisdom to know it’s me.