Denied!!
Posted by Anne
What is it about money that makes my usually obsessive planning even more, well, obsessive? I try and try to allow my life to progress organically, without the constraints of a 1, 2, and 5-year plan. But when it comes to our checkbook, the planning addict in me just won’t quiet down. Sure, I go through phases of ignoring that nagging voice of financial reason. For days or even weeks at a time, I can rest comfortably in the knowledge that we live and spend reasonably. And then…there’s a reminder. A reminder of the financial planning that needs to occur. There’s a name for that reminder. Her name is Suze.
Yes, every so often, Suze Orman sucks me in. I’m not sure if it’s her perfectly highlighted locks, her wide-eyed excitement when discussing Roth IRAs, or the way she calls everyone “girlfriend.” I find her both comforting and scary, inspiring and depressing. It starts harmless enough. I’ll flip channels on a Saturday night, and watch a few minutes. I learn why taking money out of your 401K isn’t a good idea, and sip my wine. And then it happens…
The most addictive/traumatizing segment of the whole show: Can I Afford It? If you haven’t seen it, this is the part of the show where misguided souls call in, ask the powers-that-be (Suze) if they can afford a desired item, given their financial situation. Generally, the requests are for vacations, diamond rings, cars, or any number of random items—my favorite being the time a caller asked if he could afford a squirrel monkey. Individuals state their case—why they need a squirrel monkey, what their mortgage payment is, how much they have in retirement savings, etc. And then Suze issues the verdict. Every so often, the person is approved. But more frequently, Suze’s wide eyes get just a little wider (and wilder), and she blissfully shouts the words nobody wants to hear…
DENIED!!!!!!!!
Yeah, it's a little scary.
At first, I giggle…I mean, I would never spend that kind of money on a squirrel monkey. And then I recall the stats that flashed across the screen. And I imagine my own conversation with Suze…for any of a million things I’d love to buy right now. It might go something like this:
Suze: We have “Anne” with us this evening!! Hi, Anne! Tell me girl….what do you want to BUY?!!!
Anne: Hi Suze! Well, you see I really want to replace the armchairs in our living room. They’re kind of old and…
Suze: OLD? Of course they’re OLD. You’re only 29 years old, Anne…isn’t that right? What the heck kind of gorgeous chairs are you thinking you need?
Anne: Well, Suze, I mean the chairs we have are fine and all, but…
Suze: Whatever, Anne… you’re telling me you need these chairs. Now SHOW ME THE MONEY, girlfriend!
Insert embarrassing web-inappropriate details about our lack of retirement savings.
Suze: Oh, girlfriend! You’re telling me that’s ALL you have saved for retirement, plus you have an old car that needs to be replaced soon AND you might want to have kids soon??!! And you want to buy CHAIRS? I thought you were supposed to be some great planner! Well you better get PLANNING. Because girlfriend, you are SOOOOOOO
DENIED!!!!!
Once I’ve constructed this scenario in my head, I stop giggling…and start worrying. I start pummeling Ryan with questions—Should we really be taking this trip to Chile? Can we be putting more in our 401K? And shouldn’t I start cooking with dried beans more often, instead of actual meat? I plan every second of our lives, and every major expense for the next 10 years. Babies! College funds for our yet-to-be-born children! Down payment! Truly, I drive myself crazy…financially planning a life I don’t have.
So what’s the breaking point? I know we need to save…to plan. We need a financial future, money for retirement, and money set aside for emergencies and rainy days. But can you go overboard? Is there such thing as over-planning when it comes to money? When do you say: Too bad, Suze!! I’m going to BUY this pair of shoes I don’t need. I’m going to book this overpriced flight! After all, life happens…in pencil. And so do finances.
November 11th, 2009 at 7:20 am
That woman drives me BONKERS! You have captured her voice perfectly, Anne. She was on an Oprah episode last week where stars were revisiting their old jobs, and there was Suze the Short Order Cook. You would have LOVED it. And, I think you might have inspired an upcoming post for me…
November 11th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Now that I’m finished cracking up, I will offer this response. As I marketing professional I feel compelled to tell you that Suze Orman is selling a product. She’s selling ad time for her network, not to mention an entire empire of books and other tools. So it’s in her best interest to be inflamatory and extreme. She and Jim Kramer are the financial equivalent of Billy Mays (the Oxi Clean guy).
I find Jean Chatzky (Today Show contributor) and MP Dunleavy (of MSNBC.com’s “Women in Red”) to be much more realistic and reasonable. They (and I) are of the persuasion that saving is important, but that we are not all cut out to eat nothing but dried beans until your house is paid off and you have $8 million in retirement savings. There is a middle ground, wherein you allow yourself some treats, but big splurges are put off until other priorities are met.
In the meantime, I give you full permission to giggle when watching your “girlfriend” Suze.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:24 am
PS: I happen to LOVE those armchairs. They are so cute and cozy, and one of the details of your house that stick out for me. They’re soul-ful chairs!
November 12th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Anne — That was pretty funny…and insightful. All I can tell you about your obsessive nature in regard to money–specifically your checkbook–is that it’s in your DNA. My father let me have my first checking account when I was 12 and I’ve been a compulsive checking account-balancer ever since. I’m glad he didn’t know Suze–he’d have made me watch her.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I love this post! And I hate Suze! I am a person under the realization that I will work till the day I die (hopefully that will be in the late winter of my life). When I speak to someone who is retired I always find out that they are still doing something work related they just finally got to do something they can tolerate and go on that long vacation they always wanted to go on.
Take my grandfather for example. He has been “retired” for over 30 years. However, he owns his own tree nursery, raises and butchers two cows every year, plants a huge garden and sells the produce, he has a small orchard and sells the fruit, and he sells chili plants in the spring. Now does this sound like the true meaning of retire to you? He works more than I do! But, he goes on vacation whenever he wants and he DOES THINGS HE CAN TOLERATE!
I say tolerate because doing something for financial gain will always burden you at some point.
(One more thing and then I finished). I’ve always been a firm believer that the memories and experiences you gain from a good vacation are worth more than the money you could have saved and made if you lived to see retirement.
Okay, I’m done. (See the tangent you started Anne!)