A Slice of Balance (with whipped cream on top)
In case you were wondering, pecan is my favorite kind of pie....mmmmmm.
Just last week, I finished session #3 of one of my favorite work activities…the career exploration group. My career counseling generally occurs one-on-one—in my cozy little office, with a big bowl of candy on my shelf and a fresh box of Kleenex on my table. But once per term, I gather a group of about 6 students—all ages—and encourage them to assess their interests, their personality, their strengths, and most of all…their values. If you’re not familiar with such a scenario, I assure you it does not involve group hugs, cheesy ice-breakers, or dramatic epiphanies. Nope—just some good old fashioned career indecision and ambiguity.
I actually co-lead this group with another counselor, and she decided to end our second group meeting with a new activity. To each student, she handed a white sheet of paper, with nothing but a circle on it. She explained the task—everyone was to draw slices inside the circle—one slice for every one of your life roles. But the size of the pie needed to replicate the amount of time or space it takes in your life. Does “student” take up half your life? Then it takes up half your pie. Now, I can’t tell you how many variations on this exercise I’ve used in my work, hoping to impress upon youthful college students the importance of work-life balance. But this time was different…I wasn’t leading the activity. And so I participated.
And apparently, my pie runneth over. There wasn’t room for all my slices. If it had been an actual pie, it would have resembled the last apple pie I made, with liquidy juice running all over the plate…sloppy and decidedly un-tidy. Here were the problems: my slice of pie with the word “work” on it took up two-thirds of the pie plate…leaving weeny little diet slices for roles like “wife”, “sister”, and “community member.” And I still needed a slice for leisure. I needed a slice for “homemaker.” Like most people in our culture, I just needed WAY more pie.
Perhaps if I could have made my pie 3-dimensional? Might that have helped?
I escaped my inner panic long enough to pay attention to the students—the reason I was doing the activity in the first place. And they all said the same thing. Yeah, my pie isn’t that balanced yet, but once I don’t have this “student” slice, I’ll have more time for other roles. I wished, rather than believed, this would be the case. I wanted to tell them that it does become easier to balance life—that once they reach graduation, it’s simple. I wanted to tell them they’d wake up one day, and the pieces would magically fit together…neat and tidy, like a perfectly set pumpkin pie (or a Trivial Pursuit game piece).
But since that group session, I’ve decided something. I may never achieve perfect balance, and I’m pretty sure my pie will never look exactly right. And I’m also pretty sure that’s okay. Our tastes change, and priorities shift. Sure, my “work” slice is pretty hefty these days. But who’s to say it won’t shrink a little in the future—leaving room for some other slice? Some other role.
It would be false of us to counsel students that balance is easy. And we didn’t. We smiled our counselor-y smiles, and encouraged those students to just stay aware of their pies. To make adjustments when needed. To keep seeking balance, even when it seems impossible. And of course, to leave a little room for whipped cream.
Two questions: 1) What would your figurative pie look like? 2) What’s your favorite kind of (non-figurative) pie?
November 17th, 2009 at 7:56 am
I used to do this exercise with career development classes that I taught, and you’re right, my pie was always very messy. It reminds me of the “questioning” process that Quakers use to help each other solve problems in their community (no answers, just questions). A woman who was overwhelmed with commitments in her life was asked, “How big is your garden,” to which she replied, “Way too big!”
Pie is my very favorite dessert in the entire world, and I would have to say that my hands-down favorite is homemade peach pie. But I love pecan, too.
November 17th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Anne – Here’s the solution to your pie quandry. Pies aren’t meant to last very long — probably just a few days if you’re lucky, but never more than a week. The same with your figurative pie. Some weeks you are more a wife, or a sister, or a daughter, or an office worker, or a church member, or a fly fisher. But, it’s not the same pie. And it shouldn’t always be the same kind of pie. If you make one figurative pie each week (not the same pie, over and over), I bet you would find the ingredients (the composition of the pie chart) different, but probably not overflowing.
For Part Two of your question, fortunately for me (figuratively and non-figuratively) I like lots of kinds of pie, but fruit pies are better with ice cream, rather than whipped cream. With Thanksgiving coming, I’m getting ready for pumpkin pie, and your favorite, pecan pie.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Jeff (er, Dad), that’s brilliant! Pie never lasts long in my house and I love the idea that metaphorical pie is similarly seasonal.
Anne, I have no idea what my figurative pie would look like. I probably wish the motherhood slice were a little bigger, but that will change eventually.
As for my favorite kind of actual pie? I’m with Elizabeth – homemade peach pie. However, I love pretty much all pie and other favorites include pecan, apple, and lemon meringue.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I LOVE your outlook, Jeff. That is genius!!
Pie is my favorite dessert, too. Still wondering whey I didn’t have “wedding pie” and why we had cake…My absolute favorite is apple. I don’t need or want ice cream or whipped cream with it. I like it unadulterated and I prefer it cold. YUM!
November 17th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
The sad part about the pie metaphor is that we are constantly looking to fill our pie, when really we just need to enjoy the hole for a while. At least that is my current situation. I need to take on less some days and be okay with that.
As far as the second question goes, I love a good apple pie with caramel and a dollop of vanilla ice cream on the side.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Wow! This one made me think! Initially my pie would have to be the size of Manhattan. I’ll have to get back to you on the first question.
As for the second question? Peach, er, I mean apple, no, cherry, lemon meringue, key lime. I’ll have to get back to you on this one as well.