Ghosts of Christmases Past; Christmas Yet-to-Come
Today we continue our Holiday Season Extravaganza. Between now and December 25, we will share what it means to celebrate the holidays — Life in Pencil style.
Posted by Anne
I never used to wonder what Christmas Day would bring. Throughout my childhood and early adulthood, it was easy to predict. But with marriages and babies and cross-country moves, Christmas Day has seen a few transformations. Some years have been stylish city affairs, and other years were pure countryside solitude. And yet every Christmas has carried a festive spirit, leaving me to wonder what I might want my “own” Christmas someday to resemble. As I think ahead to Christmas Day this year—the first one I’ll spend in my own town without my parents—I reflect on the things I loved about the Christmases of my past.
I loved the years we spent Christmas in my sister’s city. It’s an old city, with stately homes elegantly decorated with dazzling lights and classy wreaths. I loved winding through town on the way to my sister’s house, ogling the lights, and waiting for her sisterly embrace. I loved the year we had afternoon tea in the lobby of a fancy hotel, and the hours spent in the kitchen with my sister and Mom, laughing and bossing one another around playfully.
I loved the years we spent Christmas in the comfort of my suburban hometown. I’d awaken in the familiarity of my childhood home, eat from the same dishes, and open gifts from the same plaid chair in the living room. We’d take long walks with the dogs, along streets that were suddenly empty. I loved the quiet that would wash over our neighborhood, and the sounds and smells of my parents’ home.
I loved the years we spent Christmas in the country. Those years, I could feel my head clear and my heart grow peaceful when we made our way up the long gravel driveway on Christmas Eve. I’d see the house highlighted with the glow of a single strand of lights my Dad had hung—simple and colorful, 
set against the blackest sky and the brightest starts you can imagine. Those Christmases, we cozied by the fireplace, ate soup, munched on cheese and crackers, and told stories. Gifts happened slowly, and gave way to leisurely afternoons of books, movies, and very quiet walks.
But those are the ghosts of Christmases past. There is a Christmas Day yet-to-come. This year, I will begin creating a Christmas Day that belongs to my husband and me. Christmas Eve will be filled with his family, time in the kitchen, and an adorable niece and nephew. But Christmas Day? I have no idea what this year will bring. The choices belong to us…nobody else to set an agenda or a mealtime. And so I wonder what this Christmas of “just us” will look like. Will I make gourmet waffles, or just toast and coffee? Will we open all our presents at once, or savor them all through the day? How much wrapping paper will we let our dogs eat? When my parents call from my sister’s home, will I feel homesick? When my sister puts my nephew on the phone, will I smile, or cry, or both? Will my husband and I cuddle on the sofa, or go for a long walk in the bracing cold?
To all these questions, I have no answer. And for some reason, I don’t mind. I will let Christmas Day unfold—for what it is, what’s it’s been, and what it will be.
Do you remember when the holidays began to change—when you had to start creating your own rituals? Was it hard, or refreshing?
December 17th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Holidays change when you grow up–no getting around that. I used to struggle tremendously with not spending Christmas with my “family of origin”, and having to be with my in-laws instead. It got much better when we started staying at our own home, and better still, oddly enough, when the kids were grown. At that point, you’re pretty much free to handle it as you like. That’s where you are right now, Anne. Enjoy! It’s fun!
December 17th, 2009 at 7:54 am
The first time Christmas changed was when my mom died. And then it changed again when I got married. And I imagine it will change yet again if we have children. Tradition is always changing. Personally, for better or worse, no two Chrismases look alike for me anymore. And your mom is right: it’s a gift to begin creating traditions like YOU want to.
December 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am
My husband and I are struggling right now with the ghost of our past and what we want our own traditions to be. We want to give Madison a taste of what Christmas was for us as kids, but we also want to change it up a bit to look like us. We will have to wait I think a couple more years to see how it will all fall into place, but I think that is the fun of it right, living Christams a little bit like Life in Pencil.
December 17th, 2009 at 8:59 am
What lovely memories, Anne. Isn’t it incredible how the backdrop of Christmas can change so much from year to year, but somehow it still feels just like Christmas?
It is difficult when things change, especially when you have such happy Christmases in your past. But I hope that you will find this Christmas to be relaxing, peaceful, and simple.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Jan is right – Christmases with just our nuclear family of four on Christmas morning were very special, and are cherished memories. But I remember the very first year I had to tell my parents that we would not be with them on Christmas morning. I was reminded that families travel from great distances to be together on Christmas morning, but we were not going to travel 50 miles to be with my parents. On the other hand, Jan was wanting us to create our own tradidtions with our family. In hindsight she was correct, of course, but in the moment, it was very difficult, feeling trapped – my family with my loving wife and my darling children tugging at me to stay put,on the one hand, and my family of origin with my brother, sister, and my parents pulling me back to my boyhood home, on the other. So, I did what anyone would do – I went to the solitude of our basement and cried. That Christmas was full of frustration, sadness, and the mixed feelings that come with a new, uncertain chapter in one’s life.
But, despite all the angst of that Christmas, the change was good, and everyone survived, and new traditons were started.
Merry Christmas!
December 17th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Lovely post, Anne. I appreciated hearing about your Christmas pasts and resonate with your Christmas future. We are still trying to work out our traditions when not traveling back “home.” There is the previous issue you discussed, since Maryland isn’t really home anymore, but yet, it is and always will be. This is only our third Christmas of being just the two of us, and we have not found a rhythm yet. I do think we are going to make lasagna for the main dish for the second time, so that seems like we are starting a meal tradition. And I’m thinking of borrowing a morning tradition from a great friend and her family–”Absolutely Divine Sour Cream Coffee Cake” for Christmas morning
December 17th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
We largely cling to the same rituals we did with our parents because the memories around them are so very comforting. But we are creating some of our own traditions which I hope our kids will someday pass along. Love the new site design BTW ladies!!
December 17th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I envy you on the simplicity of your Christmas. I only hope that you enjoy the gift that God has given you this year in the form of a chaotic free Holiday. Since this year will be quieter for you, you might be able to embrace the slower and more peaceful “Spiritual Christmas” and leave the chaotic “Santa Christmas” for those who have no way of avoiding it . Have Fun! A.B.F.