Today we continue our Holiday Season Extravaganza.  Between now and December 25, we will share what it means to celebrate the holidays — Life in Pencil style.

Posted by Elizabeth

Last December I was sitting at an Internet café on Easter Island, one of the most remote locations on Earth, trying to make a phone call to my local Walgreens in Albuquerque over a spotty Skype connection.  With the headset pressed tightly against my ear, my mind drifted as I listened to the drone of hold music and watched bizarre compilations of old Phil Collins videos on the screen overhead.  Then, like coming back into myself after an out-of-body experience, the familiar strains of a song – some song – jarred me back into reality.

I saw mama kissin’ Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night

The only sign of the holidays at a supermarket on Easter Island last December.

It was sweet little Michael Jackson, singing this song – this song. This Christmas song.  And why was a Christmas song playing at Walgreens in the middle of….oh right.  December.  It was Christmas.  But being on Easter Island, those giant stone heads staring me down at every turn while the sun scorched the back of my neck…well, in that moment, Christmas seemed light years away.  And that’s the essence of skipping Christmas, as I’ve done every year for the past three years.  And I don’t mean skipping Christmas in any sort of “bah Humbug” way.  I mean skipping Christmas in a not-doing-the-normal-Christmas-thing way – whatever normal means to you.  Except that, for me, skipping Christmas is starting to become normal.

If you are exhibiting any of the following signs or symptoms, ask your doctor about Skipping Christmas-itis.  It is a rare but serious condition, one which can be treated by simply staying home:

1)       When the calendar flips to September, you begin scouting airline deals and feeding complex information into Orbitz’s “Deal Detector.”

2)      Before a gift is purchased, it is first vetted against its size, breakability, and current TSA security requirements.

3) You haven’t bought wrapping paper in 10 years because you haven’t needed to:  wrapped gifts are subject to search.  Duh.

4)      But that doesn’t matter, because you’ve stopped buying gifts altogether, knowing full well that the Orbitz Deal Detector will NEVER come up with your target price, and you really can’t afford gifts anyway.

5)      You begin to think of salted cod as standard Christmas fare, and wonder if you’ll ever eat ham again during the holidays.

6)      You forget what your Christmas ornaments looks like because you haven’t put up a full-sized Christmas tree in years.

7)      When you run into your neighbors, they say, “I thought you moved?” because they haven’t seen you at the annual Christmas party….uh, ever.

8)      You curse all of your friends for not sending you holiday cards, and then silently apologize to them when a cascade of at least 54 red envelopes spills out of your mailbox when you return home in late December.

9)      The New York Times’ Delivery Suspension is a regular bookmark on your computer.

10)   You promise you will never skip Christmas again – until next September rolls around…

As you read these words, I am currently skipping Christmas – once again – in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico!  And if you’re looking for a fun book to read this holiday season, I highly recommend John Grisham’s Skipping Christmas.