Comments on: This Emotional Life

By: Daddo

Daddo — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:12:06 +0000

I believe you touched on a “key” point when you mention the importance of “today”. Many 12-step recovery programs drill the importance of this into those who are in the recovery process. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come so “today” is truly the only thing we have going for us.

When one sees a bumper sticker on the back of a car that reads, “One Day at a Time” you’re more than likely to be following someone who is in a recovery program of some sort. Perhaps we too can learn something for ourselves from this kind of an approach to life.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 14:27:52 +0000

These are all excellent questions to ponder. The program talked a bit about centenarians, and why, in general, people become happier as they grow older. It is curious, given the reasons you — and the program — cited, isn’t it? They said it’s because, while we have fewer connections, we value the ones we have even more. And because there is less of a focus on the future, people focus more intently on living the best life they have TODAY. (Of course, things like disease, injury, or illness can make that difficult to do.) I also like your thought that we sometimes believe “change” is synonymous with “new.” Sometimes it is…but sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes change means simplifying, getting rid off, not adding.

By: Daddo

Daddo — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:38:57 +0000

Does one, “Think their way into a new way of living” or does one, “Live their way into a new way of thinking?” (I suppose only one answer can be correct).

What is it about a “really good joke” that makes one feel happy (at least for the moment)? Few things make me happier than when I can pull off a “really good joke” on my brother! Some “good ones” I’ve pulled on him have made me smile for days, others have made me smile for years. What’s behind this, anyway?

What makes a 100 year old person happy? In the course of their lifetime they have lost parents and grandparents, likely their own children, and most often they have outlived all of their lifelong friends. Their “social connections” have been severely depeleted yet many centarians are very happy. Is it because they have “new” social connections that have replaced the old social connections? Are “unhappy” centarians those who have failed to make new connections? If so, is happiness, in part, the bi-product of having “something” new in one’s life – whether it is a “new” social connection or just anything new?

“Life in Pencil” has a great deal of focus on “change” and “change” most often means to me the addition of something “new” into one’s circumstances. Therefore, is something “new” at least one aspect of happiness?

Achievements can make me happy. When I was in school, an A+ on one of my papers would REALLY make me happy. Another aspect of achievement is helping somebody else to score an A+ on their paper but which form of achievement produces the better level of satisfaction. I don’t know. I guess it’s different for different people.

Did your experience of being a “Big Sister” make you happy? If yes, was it the “things” you received from the relationship that made you the happiest or the “things” that you contributed? More than likely it was a little bit of each but did one overshadow the other even slightly? Nobody loves to be on the receiving end of a kindness more than me but it always seems to be more true that I’m happiest when I’ve done the giving rather than the receiving. Why is that?

It seems that “happiness” is truly an individual thing. It’s different for old and young, rich and poor, healthy or infirmed, etc., etc., and soforth. Thus far in my investigation of this, for over 60 years, is that only “The Coasters” have the one “universal” answer for lifelong happiness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ZJiBHh-Yw

As for me, I can hardly wait until April 1st and “another chance” that my brother will once again make me happy for yet one more year!

Lots of Love,

Daddo

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 18:31:51 +0000

I think living in the now is the best — and most difficult — one of them all. How are you enjoying “The Happiness Project?”

By: Kristen @ Motherese

Kristen @ Motherese — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 18:24:09 +0000

I have been thinking a lot about happiness this week, especially with the flurry of New Year’s resolutions I’ve been reading and the publication of Gretchen Rubin’s new book. Like you, perhaps, I am a change-a-holic, always looking for the next good thing that must be waiting down the road. And that’s why I really like the idea of suggestion #10: “eliminating the burden of the future.” I’m not sure how good I’ll be at living more in the now, but facing each moment without looking ahead might make me less anxious and, perhaps, happier.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:48:14 +0000

Thanks, Katie! The show talked a great deal about social connections. Namely, that happiness begets happiness. So if we surround ourselves with happy people, we tend to be happier ourselves…and vice versa. There is some incredible research that illustrates that the happiness of our friends’ friends’ friends — three degrees removed! — even has an impact on our happiness.

By: Katie (Life Discombobulated)

Katie (Life Discombobulated) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:37:26 +0000

I so enjoy reading your posts every morning (special thanks to Meghan who introduced me!).
I absolutely agree that social connections cultivate happiness, IF those social connections are positive ones. I also believe that appreciating the little things about a day, or a person, can contribute greatly to happiness.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:01:53 +0000

I don’t know, Jan. I think that’s the perennial question. Happiness is that elusive “something.” A topic of a whole other blog post altogether, why we’re so obsessed with this question of happiness.

By: Jan

Jan — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:45:44 +0000

Right now, I know an elder person who chooses righteousness over happiness, but who knows? Maybe being righteous makes her happy? (poor soul) I also love Point #2, as expressed (I’ve heard) by Abraham Lincoln: Everyone is about as happy as they want to be. But let me ask you this, Elizabeth: why are we so obsessed with whether or not we’re ‘happy’? I heard a sermon once in which the guy said ‘happy’ is derived from ‘happenstance’, and thus isn’t really within our power. I like the word ‘contentment’ better, anyway. More peaceful.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:09:01 +0000

Hi, Anne! I don’t know the blog, but I’ll check it out. I feel the same you do: as I get older, I try a little harder to make the most of my circumstance. I think it goes back to what Gilbert says, that we make the most of circumstances which we can’t change. When we’re younger everything feels as if it can be rewritten, but as our life gains more permanency and attachments we work a little harder to make the most of things. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that! I, too, can relate to that issue of the same problems following me wherever I go…