Comments on: Getting Involved

By: Nicki

Nicki — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:54:16 +0000

When I read this yesterday, I couldn’t put words to the comment area. I was lost but then I got to thinking. I have met a wonderful group of women through a local moms’ website. We get together once a week in “real life.” I have met people through my children’s sports and other activities. These people don’t tend to be as much in my life during the non-activity time.

Last summer was my 30th high school reunion. I found that some of my dear friends from high school live right near me and now we get together all the time.

I do not know about moving out of this area but I would suspect I would find people – possibly first online and then meeting later.

By: anne

anne — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:24:51 +0000

Thanks for your comment, Sarah! Wow…it’s been a long time. And yes, I still hold onto those high school and college friendships. Good to hear from you, and know that I’m not alone in this challenge!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:20:06 +0000

It is so hard to find a niche in a new place. I have been in my “new” home for four years and have yet to find friendships like I had in high school and college. Love the post, Anne.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:10:52 +0000

Terry, I really resonate with your idea of your community being those you left behind, having made many cross-country moves myself. Some of the people I click with most are very unlikely matches for me….which is what makes it all the harder to try to predict or pinpoint a community. You often find the best friends in the most unexpected of places.

By: anne

anne — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:02:53 +0000

Terry–I love the idea of being “surprised” by friendships. I will continue to keep looking, but I also appreciate the idea of being open to different friendships that may or may not be the ones you are seeking on purpose.

By: terry

terry — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:56:56 +0000

I just finished posting a piece dedicated to my 16-year-old finding his place as he begins the college process.

Like you I joined a sorority at UCLA. It seemed to make a huge campus smaller. BUT, I am not sure I met my community at my sorority. What I mean is that for me, finding community is about forming friendships or relationships with people you enjoy. Sometimes I feel like the odd duck in a pond of swans. I like that about myself and about my friends. I find it interesting. I don’t necessarily want a community of people just like me. I have moved from coast to coast and back to yet another coast. My community still consists of the people I left behind. And then there are the new ones that surprise you along the way. I think it is great for you to join the junior league (even if I have read HELP). You must put yourself out there and then you never know!

By: Kristen @ Motherese

Kristen @ Motherese — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 18:56:28 +0000

Such ripe questions, Anne. I wrote on the question of home in November and I agree with you: more than a location, home is about the people we surround ourselves with. (Maybe that’s the genesis of the term “homeboy”?…) I still haven’t found that community of people in the town that I moved to almost three years ago. What’s interesting, though, is how “at home” I feel in this online blogging community that I joined only about three months ago. I think we are all looking for people who see us, who “get” us; right now, for me, more of those people seem to be through the wires of the Internet than next to me in line at Kroger.

By: elizabeth

elizabeth — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:48:58 +0000

Anne, this is a sophisticated post that begs difficult questions. As I think back to my own college experience, I remember, despite all the organizations, having a difficult time connecting at first. I remember one particularly lonely weekend, where my mom suggested I come home for a few days to visit. “No, Mom,” I said. “If I’m ever going to find friends, I need to stay here and stick out this uncomfortable period.” And that very night, I met the girl who was to become my roommate and the link to a huge social circle. So, there is a certain amount of “sticking it out” involved, I think. And I had to laugh when I read the Junior League because I JUST finished “The Help.” Glad to know times have changed!

By: Gale

Gale — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:22:52 +0000

I’ve been in these shoes before. It took me several years to really feel at home in my current city. And the thing that helped me turn a corner? School. When my husband started graduate school it helped link us into a really great group of friends.

So I think your Junior League plans are right on track. It’s hard to find existing groups of people eager for newcomers. But I suspect you may have found one. Keep us posted!

By: Jan

Jan — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:06:08 +0000

I’ve sung this song before, but here we go again. I detect some guilt, do I, over the need to get involved with a group of people who are “like” you? Why feel that way? Granted, the Junior League has a past image that doesn’t “play” quite so well in a politically correct culture, but it has changed. Glad you enjoyed the group. And, to me, your post today is very thought-provoking.