Dear Oscar
Posted by Anne
This post is my effort at 1) participation in Valentines Day, and 2) participation in the “Love it Up Challenge” from Momalom—another great blog. So here you go…a very special love letter, to a very special guy—the gold and bald one.
Maybe Ellen feels the same way?
Dear Oscar,
It’s that time of year, isn’t it? Your big day arrives not on Valentine’s Day, but a little later…March 7th. And yet here I am, eagerly awaiting the moment you take the stage—my love rekindled and my anticipation building for our annual date night.
Oh Oscar, it’s so hard being one little fan amongst infinitely more glamorous women who vie for your affection every spring—women with greater talent, tighter abs, and greater access to Harry Winston jewels. I know I’ll never hold you in my arms, but rest assured I will continue to admire you from afar…aka, my living room.
You must know I’ve loved you since I was a child. I remember when we first met. The year of Dances With Wolves. You really liked that movie, didn’t you? Since then, you’ve fallen in love with so many films. But me? I’ve stayed loyal to one awards show…just yours. Sure, I watch the Golden Globes too, but they’re never the same…I swear!
It’s difficult to name all the reasons I adore you, Oscar. But I’ll try. I love how you offer me an escape. You sweep me off my feet, away from the routine reality of my life, and carry me away to a long red carpet. I love how you gather people together to appreciate art, even when your ultimate choices baffle me…or anger me. Yes, I’m still a little bitter about that Forrest Gump year. I hope you’ve come to realize that The Shawshank Redemption was just superior. Oh sorry…this is a love letter…
I love how you make me feel like a fashion expert. I love to sit on my sofa in my decidedly unstylish garb and yell obnoxious phrases like, “Seriously? She should have REALLY reconsidered that color choice.” Or there’s my personal favorite: “Wow…someone should fire her stylist!” I know I sound catty and uncharitable in those moments, Oscar. But I also know that your endless parade of pre-show telecasts wants me to act out in this manner. You know you like it.
Remember when our love was new, Oscar? When I’d spend days crafting a menu of classy hors d’oevres, and gather people together to watch the show, then “shush” them every time someone talked during an inconsequential acceptance speech? You must have known back then how dedicated I am.
It must be hard to believe I still love you like I did back then—when I printed ballots for everyone, and guessed your winners. I know I’ve gotten lazy. But can you blame me? 10 nominees this year? It’s just so hard to keep up with you, Oscar. But I admire you for shaking things up.
And yes, sometimes you bore me. It shouldn’t be that way, but why do you have to let people drone on interminably when a simple “Thank you” would do? Sometimes I nod away in the middle of your lifetime achievement award, and I’m ever-so-sorry for that. And these days, I know I don’t make the effort I once did. My appetizers of goat cheese and delicate slices of prosciutto have given way to pizza and cookies. And yes, I know it’s hard to believe I still care for you when all I can muster from the closet is a sweatshirt and LL Bean slippers. But I promise—my love for you will never fade—not like those impossibly old (and possibly disintegrating) pajama bottoms I wear for your big night.
But please don’t lose patience with me, Oscar. You are the epitome of the movies. Of escape. Of fashion triumph and fashion faux-pas. I’ll be there to the bitter end this year…even when you hang on til midnight.
Love always,
Anne
P.S. I like 3-D. It’s cool. But please, oh please, sweet Oscar…no Avatar for Best Picture. Please.
Okay, so am I the only freak who looks forward to Oscar night like it’s a national holiday? Who’s going to win? And who will end up on the best (and worst) dressed lists?
February 9th, 2010 at 7:13 am
You never fail to amaze me, Anne, with what’s going on inside your head! You’re right about “Shawshank,” though…an amazing movie.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Anne, my favorite years watching the Oscars were when I lived in Columbia, MO, and we got together at your house to watch. It was fun because we were BOTH equally into it (and the food!). I’ve hosted a few Oscar parties since, but they haven’t been the same. I, too, am hoping that Avatar gets the shaft. There are so many better films.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:27 am
Anne, I am dying for a friend like you to throw an Oscar party. I love love LOVE that kind of stuff but have found my stress levels too high lately to throw parties. Don’t worry, I am not riding the express train to crazy town. I am just currently working on tamping down this pesky perfectionism streak I have.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:58 am
My love doesn’t compare to yours, but I’m still a sucker for an awards show. And I can’t wait for our trans-continental speed-dial chats on Oscar night.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I can’t imagine a place more distant from the red carpet than Columbia MO (and I’m allowed to say that), so BRAVO to you for hosting the best Oscar party in Elizabeth’s life in that plain, Midwestern, glam-challenged locale. I pay a bit of attention to the show but often get bored or fed up with the seldom-surprising speeches. This year I’m hoping Meryl wins for Julie and Julia. Is Stanley nominated? Him too.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Stanley IS nominated, but for his role in “The Lovely Bones,” not “Julie and Julia.”
February 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
This just made me laugh this morning and boy did I need a laugh. Do you know that my first job was as a production assistant for a documentary on CBS about the Oscars? Do you know that I went to the Oscars the year the streaker ran across the stage? Do you know that my friend, Wendy Finerman actually produced Forrest Gump and stole your beloved Oscar away from Shawshank? Do you know that once she let me hold her Oscar and boy it really was heavy? Do you know that Steven Spielberg told Wendy not to worry about rubbing Oscar too much because the Academy replates the statue for free?
I used to have to compete with those women with the perfect abs, wearing posh gowns and Harry’s jewels but not anymore! Now I sit at home, never at a party, and watch for hours.
And I’m going to route for James Cameron’s ex wife, Kathyrn Bigelow to win for best director and picture for THE HURT LOCKER and cross my fingers that Henry Selick will win for his amazing CORALINE.
I, too have a love affair with Oscar…and as misguided as I might be I still fantasize about fitting into one of those gowns and when showing up on the red carpet telling the world, “I’m wearing vintage Chanel.” Oh to dream!!!!!!
February 9th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Terry—you might just have to be my new best friend!! I’m so incredibly jealous/impressed by your “brush with Oscar”. The wait for the Hurt Locker is SO LONG on Netflix…I need to see it!
February 9th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Anne, you need to run out and rent The Hurt Locker RIGHT NOW! Don’t wait for Netflix! You must see it before The Oscars! And yeah, Terry, I am so jealous. PS: No idea that Kathryn Bigelow was James Cameron’s ex-wife. THAT should make for an interesting awards show!
February 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
You guys most read http://www.deadlinehollywood.com for all Nicki Finke’s inside Hollywood info.
Forget the Trades (variety and Hollywood Reporter) everyone is reading deadline!
A Serious Man is suppose to be great!
February 9th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Because we never, ever get to the movies anymore, my affection for the Oscars has waned over time. (Don’t be mad!) I do like watching though and glimpsing the red carpet ridiculousness.
Great letter! Happy early Valentine’s!
February 10th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Kudos on making a letter to the abstract so incredibly personal and full of details! My shoulders shrink at the horrible acceptance speeches and my mind pushes away the tiniest bit of jealousy for those actors who walk the red carpet, but all in all I can enjoy a good Oscar night. That is, if I don’t fall asleep on the couch with the dog, and if I’ve happened to watch ANY of the movies nominated. It is quite a GRAND show, isn’t it?
I’m so very happy you contributed to Love It Up, Anne. I found you guys months and months ago–and perhaps commented once or twice–but my life has pummeled me with an inordinate amount of BUSY lately and thus I haven’t been back as often as I like to…and when I have it’s been while perched on edge of the tub while the boys are bathing, gazing at my iPhone. (Thank goodness for that little sucker!)
Sarah
February 10th, 2010 at 7:29 am
Thanks for stopping by, Sarah! Thank goodness for both bathtime and iPhones…both have a way of grounding us, no? come on back when time allows, and thanks for organizing the Love it Up challenge!
March 5th, 2010 at 5:28 am
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