Comments on: Life’s To-Do Lists http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/ Rewriting Life...One Day at a Time Thu, 01 Dec 2011 02:46:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: Kristen @ Motherese http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1593 Kristen @ Motherese Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:58:23 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1593 Such a wonderful post and equally wonderful responses! So much of what you say here resonates with me. I always am looking for the next big thing on the horizon and have trouble living in the now. Even now, with two young kids I'm wondering whether I'll have more. Why not just revel in these fleeting moments of their babyhood? Why indeed? I wish I knew. That being said, I am not opposed to list-making because I think it can be a form of goal-setting, as long as the items that make your list are of your own choosing. Such a wonderful post and equally wonderful responses!

So much of what you say here resonates with me. I always am looking for the next big thing on the horizon and have trouble living in the now. Even now, with two young kids I’m wondering whether I’ll have more. Why not just revel in these fleeting moments of their babyhood? Why indeed? I wish I knew.

That being said, I am not opposed to list-making because I think it can be a form of goal-setting, as long as the items that make your list are of your own choosing.

]]> By: Shawna http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1591 Shawna Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:18:14 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1591 I had a near meltdown when I turned 30 for very similar reasons. At 30, I was married with three kids, in my chosen career, homeowner, etc. It seemed like life's milestones had all been reached and I was faced with WHAT NEXT? It was scary and hard and absolutely lightening to discover that it didn't matter what come next, I could just enjoy the journey. Of course then I got pregnant with our fourth child who is screaming in the background as I type this message. Cheers to life lived! And good luck finding the balance for you. I had a near meltdown when I turned 30 for very similar reasons. At 30, I was married with three kids, in my chosen career, homeowner, etc. It seemed like life’s milestones had all been reached and I was faced with WHAT NEXT? It was scary and hard and absolutely lightening to discover that it didn’t matter what come next, I could just enjoy the journey. Of course then I got pregnant with our fourth child who is screaming in the background as I type this message. Cheers to life lived! And good luck finding the balance for you.

]]> By: Jana http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1589 Jana Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:24:36 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1589 Anne, You make a good point when you suggest that once we're out of our nice and neat schedules, we are left floundering. It's pretty poetic that you started thinking of this while on a hike, in a kind of wilderness. Once we're done school, and then more school, and then, perhaps, even the job we wanted, we don't know what's next. I'm at that point now. I've accomplished the things I wanted: graduate degree, husband, house, kids. I don't know what's next. I sort of know what I want, but I don't know exactly how to get there, and I worry that I never will. I guess we have to get comfortable by trying new things and living in the moment. (But that's freakin' hard!) Anne,
You make a good point when you suggest that once we’re out of our nice and neat schedules, we are left floundering. It’s pretty poetic that you started thinking of this while on a hike, in a kind of wilderness. Once we’re done school, and then more school, and then, perhaps, even the job we wanted, we don’t know what’s next. I’m at that point now. I’ve accomplished the things I wanted: graduate degree, husband, house, kids. I don’t know what’s next. I sort of know what I want, but I don’t know exactly how to get there, and I worry that I never will. I guess we have to get comfortable by trying new things and living in the moment. (But that’s freakin’ hard!)

]]> By: terry http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1588 terry Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:54:59 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1588 Anne: You are on slippery slopes on those craggy cliffs. i remember feeling just like you. Dreams I think I called them in one of my posts. You're self imposed to-do list is artificial. You can plan and plan and life happens. Look forward to kids, a house, settling down--but it will happen in its right time and space. Enjoy the dreams. My best advise to you is to embrace the unknown with childlike joyfulness. You don't have the same control you think you once did and that's OK. Anne:
You are on slippery slopes on those craggy cliffs. i remember feeling just like you. Dreams I think I called them in one of my posts. You’re self imposed to-do list is artificial. You can plan and plan and life happens. Look forward to kids, a house, settling down–but it will happen in its right time and space. Enjoy the dreams. My best advise to you is to embrace the unknown with childlike joyfulness. You don’t have the same control you think you once did and that’s OK.

]]> By: Eva http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1587 Eva Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:17:42 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1587 Oh Anne, we are like the same person. How I struggle with this! Last winter I faced a very similar dilemma. My life had been very orchestrated to that point. Not the prescribed order, but close. College, get married, pay off debt, first real job, buy a house, husband back to college, change jobs, grad school, promotion. Then NOTHING! WTF? What am I supposed to do now? I need the next "big project" to focus on. Of course, in my case there was also some depression mixed in. I started seeing a therapist and working on my wellness. But still, there is this lingering question. What does the next phase of my life hold? I have decades of adulthood stretching in front of me, with no plan or direction. I've loved reading the advice here from your sage readers! Very helpful. I think we have reached a point in our lives where a shift takes place. It's liberating in a way. And it is meant to help us focus on living in the now, being present in the moment. But learning how to do that isn't easy. Much love, Eva Oh Anne, we are like the same person. How I struggle with this!

Last winter I faced a very similar dilemma. My life had been very orchestrated to that point. Not the prescribed order, but close. College, get married, pay off debt, first real job, buy a house, husband back to college, change jobs, grad school, promotion. Then NOTHING! WTF? What am I supposed to do now? I need the next “big project” to focus on.

Of course, in my case there was also some depression mixed in. I started seeing a therapist and working on my wellness. But still, there is this lingering question. What does the next phase of my life hold? I have decades of adulthood stretching in front of me, with no plan or direction.

I’ve loved reading the advice here from your sage readers! Very helpful. I think we have reached a point in our lives where a shift takes place. It’s liberating in a way. And it is meant to help us focus on living in the now, being present in the moment. But learning how to do that isn’t easy.

Much love, Eva

]]> By: anne http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1586 anne Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:17:06 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1586 These responses are so incredibly encouraging and inspiring. It's hard to think about OPENING more options, but at the same time...that's what we need if we don't want our lists to inhibit us in the end. These responses are so incredibly encouraging and inspiring. It’s hard to think about OPENING more options, but at the same time…that’s what we need if we don’t want our lists to inhibit us in the end.

]]> By: jennifer http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1585 jennifer Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:57:18 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1585 When I was first married, my husband and I hoped to have a life in the Foreign Service. We envisioned moving from one exotic place to another, raising our children on every continent. It was a lovely dream that in the end did not happen, for reasons too complicated to go into here. We ended up putting down deep roots and raising our 3 boys in the same area code my husband grew up in. One of our children developed anxiety and hated travel of any sort, even to the local grocery store. He got over it, but has often said "I'm so glad you and Dad didn't go into the Foreign Service." Sometimes life forces you to make lemonade, and it's sweeter than you could have predicted. When I was first married, my husband and I hoped to have a life in the Foreign Service. We envisioned moving from one exotic place to another, raising our children on every continent. It was a lovely dream that in the end did not happen, for reasons too complicated to go into here. We ended up putting down deep roots and raising our 3 boys in the same area code my husband grew up in. One of our children developed anxiety and hated travel of any sort, even to the local grocery store. He got over it, but has often said “I’m so glad you and Dad didn’t go into the Foreign Service.” Sometimes life forces you to make lemonade, and it’s sweeter than you could have predicted.

]]> By: Gale http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1584 Gale Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:14:38 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1584 I think Danyiel makes a good point. What happens when all the items on the list are crossed off? Such lists can be rewarding as we accomplish the things on them, but they can also be confining as we may fail to see other options for our lives if we're just tunneling through a list. I too am a list maker, but, like you, lately I'm trying to make my list less permanent (list in pencil?) so that I can change my plans when necessary. I think Danyiel makes a good point. What happens when all the items on the list are crossed off? Such lists can be rewarding as we accomplish the things on them, but they can also be confining as we may fail to see other options for our lives if we’re just tunneling through a list. I too am a list maker, but, like you, lately I’m trying to make my list less permanent (list in pencil?) so that I can change my plans when necessary.

]]> By: Danyiel http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1583 Danyiel Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:46:27 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1583 I think life gets harder to plan as you get older. When you are younger you have high school, collage, job, marriage, house, children. But once you have most of those, I think it starts to become harder to plan for the rest. I am a very planned out person, I graduated, had a job lined up and got married all within on month. 6 months later we had a house. We did wait awhile for the kids, but we are now on to have our second in June and beleive it or not I wanted all of this by the time I was 30 and this baby is due one month after I turned 30. But now I find myself in a sort of black whole, my to-do list stopped there. Where do I go from here. My life is exatly where I wanted it, I have had to cross things off as I went along and change the plan from time to time, but I got there. Now what....... I think life gets harder to plan as you get older. When you are younger you have high school, collage, job, marriage, house, children. But once you have most of those, I think it starts to become harder to plan for the rest.
I am a very planned out person, I graduated, had a job lined up and got married all within on month. 6 months later we had a house. We did wait awhile for the kids, but we are now on to have our second in June and beleive it or not I wanted all of this by the time I was 30 and this baby is due one month after I turned 30. But now I find myself in a sort of black whole, my to-do list stopped there. Where do I go from here. My life is exatly where I wanted it, I have had to cross things off as I went along and change the plan from time to time, but I got there. Now what…….

]]> By: Nicki http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2010/02/23/lifes-to-do-lists/comment-page-1/#comment-1582 Nicki Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:37:41 +0000 http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/?p=1940#comment-1582 I use to make plans for my life, back before I was married and had six kids. It was not the marriage or the kids that stopped the planning, the list making. It was my inability to envision. Recently, I have begun looking towards the future more and started that list making again. I am finding it harder now as I know how much work goes into each item on the list - whether buying a house or buying Tide - so the list is shorter. I do think we all build up expectations and those to-dos become things that cannot possibly always meet the expectations. What do we do about that? Adjust, change, plan anew. I use to make plans for my life, back before I was married and had six kids. It was not the marriage or the kids that stopped the planning, the list making. It was my inability to envision.

Recently, I have begun looking towards the future more and started that list making again. I am finding it harder now as I know how much work goes into each item on the list – whether buying a house or buying Tide – so the list is shorter.

I do think we all build up expectations and those to-dos become things that cannot possibly always meet the expectations. What do we do about that? Adjust, change, plan anew.

]]>