The Curse of the Extravert
Posted by Anne
Life in Pencil is getting ready to go in a new direction. We’re not quite yet ready to unveil our new plans, but, beginning this month, we’ll focus on a new topic every month. Since March is the beginning of spring, a time of new life, this month’s theme will be Beginnings. How do we live our lives in pencil during that tenuous time when there is new life on the horizon?
Last week, you made me think. I wrote this post on my life-to-do-list, and several of you admitted similar moments of panic, and asked this question:
What happens when we’ve checked off the items? What next?
A great question. A particularly great question when glimmers of spring appear—when daffodils begin peeking through the dirt, and we (or at least I) feel called to begin any one of a jillion different projects. And just as I can generate lists and lists of projects to go along with my new Spring swagger, I can likewise think of about a million (or at least 10) things I’d like to do with my life. When I truly consider the options for my future, there is no shortage of ideas. Rather, an overwhelming abundance. “Beginnings” are everywhere. I’m sure many of you can relate, and there are probably many reasons I struggle with this unending array of interests. But there’s one root cause that came to mind last week, after a particularly stimulating counseling session with an adorably enthused student. As I walked him through the results of his personality assessment, I found myself resonating deeply. And this is the part where I get all career counselor-y on you, but it’s relevant…I swear.
Remember the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? If you weren’t around when I did my previous post on this ubiquitous personality test, then check this out—it’ll provide a little recap. In that post, I wrote about that pesky part of my personality that’s very addicted to planning. But last week, as I read your comments and listened to this young student, I realized there’s another part of my “type” (ENFJ to those of you who care) that’s becoming very Life in Pencil relevant these days. So without further ado…
I’m an Extravert.
Now, pop culture totally screws up the whole “introvert/extravert” dichotomy. Introverts are not necessarily shy (but sometimes are). Extraverts are not necessarily loquacious social butterflies (but sometimes are…I’ve definitely got the loquacious part down.) In actuality, a major difference between the types is where they get their energy. Warning: Massive overgeneralization of Myers Briggs Typology coming…Do you feel jazzed and refreshed after a stimulating presentation or conversation? Extravert. Do you feel exhausted and crave some major alone-time after you’ve been interacting with others all day? Introvert.
But there’s another common quality of these types. Introverts often have fewer interests, and even fewer friends…but really deep ones. Extraverts? We like to dabble in many interests, hobbies, and even relationships. We’re broad. And sometimes a little more shallow…at least when it comes to how deep we dive into these pursuits.
So…all those multiple interests of mine? The fact that I can truly see myself pursuing several different options? The part that’s a fan of beginning new projects? It’s there—part of my personality. Of course, maybe it has nothing to do with my personality, but it’s at least a theory. And in some ways, I like this part of myself. I believe there’s value in being a “Renaissance Woman”. But I have to admit…when you’re obsessively calmly trying to craft a new “life-to-do-list”, this trait is also sort of a pain in the ass. My broad interests regularly collide with the part of myself that’s craving sameness. My quest for “beginnings” battles my internal need for stability.
I don’t have answers. But I do have deep thoughts. Here’s what I’ve realized…
Epiphany #1: This whole “planning your life” thing? It’s hard when your interests veer in twenty different directions in the course of a single day.
Epiphany #2: Attempting to stick to one vocation is not only uncommon these days, the linear “path” may not fit me as well as I thought it would.
Epiphany #3: When I’m done checking off those massive items on my life to-do-list? I’m never going to hurt for other options, other hobbies, other interests. My extraverted personality will see to that.
Epiphany #4: Beginnings are a natural part of our life course, and they appear all the time. The key is to embrace them, and let them work their magic.
How about you? Regardless of the introvert/extravert piece of it, are you someone who dabbles in a lot of things? Or do you maintain a steady few interests/pursuits? Do you feel overwhelmed by options, or starving for them? Do you get a literal “spring” in your step when March rolls around?
March 1st, 2010 at 6:28 am
Yes, I definitely get a spring in my step when the calendar turns to March. Here in icy Pennsylvania, the sun is shining, the snow is melting from roofs and lawns, and a hawk just glided right toward my office window. Signs of life! (and death, I guess, since that’s what hawks are all about).
March 1st, 2010 at 8:52 am
Is it possible for your “type” to evolve over time? When I was younger I was fully extroverted. But as I’ve gotten older I find myself with some distinctly introverted tendencies.
March 1st, 2010 at 9:29 am
I do believe your type evolves. Different contexts can also bring out different aspects to your personality. But ultimately, MBTI theory would say we all have a base-level preference. You are probably still extraverted, for example, but have had to develop your introverted side. That’s my guess.
March 1st, 2010 at 10:07 am
Huge old introvert, here. I get overwhelmed by too many options…I just want to hide in the coat closet, sucking my thumb!
March 1st, 2010 at 10:16 am
You know I am not sure, there are times in my life that options give me major heart burn and there are times I am starved for them. Like finding the perfect name for another human being makes me want to hide right now.
Now I didn’t think the calander turning to March would give me a spring today, but I am in a very good mood, and the only think I can contribute it to was the little bit of spring I felt when I got out of the car this morning.
March 1st, 2010 at 10:55 am
That’s an interesting view on extra vs introverts. Put in those terms, I think I am an extrovert to some extent, but (as you mentioned to Gale) with heavy introverted tendencies. I wonder though, if you are classified as an extrovert and through life circumstances, live a more introverted life (or vice versa), if that personality pendulum will shift? Or cause disharmony with self? I do find myself more extroverted during Spring/Summer than winter…perhaps I hibernate
March 1st, 2010 at 11:01 am
Yes. No. Sometimes. Yes.
But I don’t feel much stress around this area. My overarching life goals have room for any array of interests. And it’s OK if the interests change.
Regarding my profession though, it took me a while to get here. Now that I am in a place that truly resonates with my passion, I am unlikely to seek out a significant change. The enrichment that I seek will probably come from involvement in professional networks.
March is always a good time to sow the flowers we want to enjoy this summer. Hmmm. Shall it be impatiens? I’m really craving Martha Washington geraniums.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:04 am
Hi Ashley! We all act introverted sometimes, and extraverted sometimes…we’re not either-or beings. But generally speaking, we have some preference for one or the other–but can always adapt. Your question is interesting…I think if you’re a major extravert that doesn’t have the opportunity to interact with others very much, you’ll begin to feel…tired. Pay attention to when you feel energized. While I am an extravert, I also NEED my alone time. As most people do. And I do think if you’re borderline, the pendulum can defintely shift. When I was in grad school (deep in academic work), I ended up more introverted. The older I get and the more comfortable I am owning my type, the stronger my extraverted score becomes. Fascinating questions, folks!
March 1st, 2010 at 5:31 pm
It’s funny, i was thinking about writing a post tomorrow about the concept of wanting my kids to have lots of options available to them. The more I think about it, I’m not sure too many options is a necessarily good thing. I picked up my 8th grader from a ‘shadow’ day at one of the two public he can choose to attend. That is if he doesn’t go to an independent school. It’s nice to have choices but its starts to add pressure. “Am I making the right choice.” My son left confused and with a stomach ache.
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:02 am
I tend to take the Myers Briggs and then forget what I am. I am an introvert – are there people out there laughing? I am sure there are.
As for dabbling, I have my hands in a million little things. And, after yesterday, I have decided that is okay. I always thought a person needed one great passion in life but then I read Amanda’s guest piece at QuestforBalance.com – http://www.questforbalance.com/2010/03/01/myth-legend-one-passion-to-rule-them-all/ – and decided it is okay to do it all as long as that is what I want!
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:17 pm
This comment is late, but… I’m responding to the post asking if one might have too many options? My favorite metaphor for this is a woman who compared herself to an Amish woman–the Amish woman was “on a short leash”, i.e. she didn’t have many options, or choices in her life. The other woman (not Amish) described herself as being “on a long leash, and always getting tangled in it.” The non-Amish woman could see the advantages in not getting tangled.