A Lost Art
March’s theme at Life in Pencil is Beginnings.
Posted by Anne
“What did you want to be when you were a little kid? What were your daydreams?”
This is a question I ask frequently in my work as a career counselor. When people hit a professional wall, or lose themselves in all the “shoulds” of adulthood, I take them back to age 8 or 10, seeking pieces of themselves they’ve left behind. No, rarely do we live the dreams of our childhood, but often there are glimmers of truth at those young ages—a love of science, or art, or music. Lately, I’ve been asking myself this same question I ask my students. Not because I’m unhappy with my work, but because I feel there might be a teeny piece missing from my work. Art.
When I was 9 years old, I wanted to be an actress. This isn’t particularly unique, but it did go beyond a passing phase. I took acting classes, auditioned for community theater, and even scored a part or two. I was comfortable on the stage, and eager to act the emotions I imagined others felt. And it wasn’t just acting. I wrote stories in my head, and acted them in our backyard. I listened to music non-stop. And yet…I’ve never considered myself “artsy”. I was studious, smart, hard-working, and good with people. And because those are infinitely more “practical” qualities with which to pursue a career, those are the qualities that formed my professional identity. Somewhere in life, I lost my inner artist.
These days, I don’t want to become an actress, a painter, or a musician. But sometimes I wonder where to put that creative energy. Sure, there are aspects of my work that are incredibly creative…but artistic? I’m just not sure. I write because I miss that part of myself, but still—what about the other writing I want to do? The writing that captures the worlds inside my head, complete with adolescent heroines, adventures, introspection, and fantasy? Those stories float around in my head, never quite making it to paper or computer screen. But should they?
When it comes to our professions, how much do we let the aspirations of our youth—our origins—speak to us when we develop the aspirations of adulthood?
I don’t know what to do with that lost artist of mine…partly because I really like the “grown-up” job I have. But I do wonder when or how we should allow those lost dreams to creep into our current goals. Last Friday, I found one answer. I helped organize a “professional development day” for career professionals in my region. We were lucky to have Richard Bolles, author of the What Color is Your Parachute series as our keynote. He shared numerous nuggets of wisdom, but there was one statement that’s been haunting me since Friday…
When we’re developing our goals, it’s important that we avoid the trap of saying, “I can’t do that in this economy,” and sacrificing half our dream. Because when you sacrifice half of your ideal work, you sacrifice the motivation that comes from pursuing what you really want. And we need all the motivation we can get…ESPECIALLY in this economy.
A rational argument for following your career dreams. This was new. This wasn’t a cheesy motivational speaker (unconvincing), or a winner on Oscar night telling us we can all be whatever we want to be if we just believe in ourselves (bogus). This was an honest and rational statement from an 83-year-old career development professional. And it left me slack-jawed.
No, I haven’t decided to become an artist, an actress, or a full-time author. I’m still that studious, practical helper—and much more so than the little girl who craved the spotlight. But I’m toying with the idea of nurturing my career “origins”—my artistic beginnings–my FULL dream. If I let myself believe I can pursue it, will I become more motivated? Who knows, but I’m going to give it a try. First up? A writing workshop. My first ever. I hope to capture just a small piece of the worlds inside my head, putting them to paper for the first time.
Exercise:
What did you want to be when you were a kid? (List them all.) Why? What was appealing about these careers?
Then ask yourself if there are any pieces of that career goal that you’ve found in your current work OR hobbies—inside or outside the home.
**No answer is too silly—if you wanted to be the President when you were a child, is there an element of your work that is persuasive? Civic-minded?
March 17th, 2010 at 6:01 am
I wanted to be a road builder. I wanted to drive the steam roller that made the asphalt smooth and fresh and new. The metaphors in there a bound, dont you think?
March 17th, 2010 at 6:04 am
There’s a book called “Cure for the Common Life” that is filled with much un-helpful material, but the good part is the technique you can use to go back to that 8-yr-old. In a nutshell, he says you’re looking for where your passion and your abilities intersect. List the most satisfying, fun,’successful’ etc activities you remember as a child. (“I sewed a plaid dress in Home Ec”, “I painted some lawn furniture”, “I planned a scout trip”) and circle the verbs in every statement. Then list all the nouns (direct objects, to you grammarians). Then: PROCESS ! ! !
March 17th, 2010 at 6:17 am
This is so so interesting. I honestly don’t remember what I wanted to be as a child, but I have a hazy recollection of saying I wanted to be an artist. I used to love art and then gave it up when I took up the trumpet – another art form, huh? Now, I am sitting here nodding because in some sense, I am an artist today – weaving words, painting pictures of life. Maybe this is why I am so motivated, so exceedingly motivated – because I am finally doing what I want to be doing, I am finally indulging in that childhood dream?
I can’t thank you enough for pulling this out of me today. It actually brings me a lot of clarity. Just last night several people asked if I always knew I wanted to be a writer and I said, No. But now I am thinking this might not be the case.
March 17th, 2010 at 6:18 am
Oh – and meant to say that I am so excited you are taking a writing workshop!
March 17th, 2010 at 7:13 am
I was always amazed when I worked as a career counselor how often people’s earliest career aspirations matched up with their current dreams — even a piece of it (Emily’s example above is a perfect example). We like we think we change so much in those intervening years, but the older I get, the less I’m convinced that we’re that different than who we were as kids. The very first profession I remember wanting was a writer. And somewhere along the way I stopped writing — I think when I started performing (another form of storytelling that was perhaps more suited to an extrovert like me?). And then, after my mom died, I suddenly felt compelled to start again. While I’m back to the original dream, so much of what happened in those intervening years informs WHAT I want to write about.
March 17th, 2010 at 7:38 am
I wanted to be the first female president, an astronaut, and an Olympic equestrian. These weren’t phases. When I was in the 4th grade I wanted to do all of these things concurrently. Go big or go home, right? Clearly, I went home… at least by comparison.
This exercise is a struggle for me because my childhood career goals were so fickle and fleeting. I have a hard time keying in on any one aspiration that I think offers a glimmer of truth or passion. This is one that will require some thought.
March 17th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Wow, good question. I remember wanting to be a teacher, a history professor, a geneticist, a writer… a motivational speaker? It’s kind of hard to remember. But such an important exercise.
Another question might be: when do you achieve “flow”? What activities completely absorb you in a way that you lose track of time? These are the ones that are that beautiful intersection of enjoyment and challenge.
I love the idea of taking a writing workshop (or pottery class or cooking class or whatever). This seems like a perfect first step to re-engaging that part of yourself.
March 17th, 2010 at 7:50 am
I love this, Anne. I think it would be good for me to revisit those dreams I had as a kid. To see what I’ve lost and what I’ve found along the way. I, too, lost my creativity somewhere, my “artsy” side, if you will. I’ve been know to say recently that I am Way Too Literal. That this entire family of boys is as well. I’ve lately had more of an opportunity to reach out to that creative side, and I hope to continue. It brings me back to a me before the ME I know now. I like it.
March 17th, 2010 at 8:39 am
Anne, I will be so interested in what you learn from the workshop! I’d love to take one…not happening soon, but I can wait.
I wanted to be an actress, too. Took drama classes and was heavily involved in theater from grade 5-university. My parents were always adamant that it was “too impractical” and “too hard” and that I’d get “eaten alive.” They were probably 100% right, and boy, did they ever scare me off it, but I have vowed never to squash my girls’ dreams like that.
March 17th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Thanks for challenging me to dream again! I wanted to be a nurse, teacher, gardener, singer, mom and, do something that involved keeping tack of “important papers”. Some of this I am doing and but I feel like I am caught in a cycle of both putting too much pressure on my dreams and also setting limitations.
March 25th, 2010 at 5:40 am
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