Beginners Welcome
Posted by Anne
March’s theme at Life in Pencil is Beginnings.
I love the phrase, “I’m a Beginner.” Since I tend to acquire hobbies the way a collector acquires trinkets, I’m accustomed to my “beginner” status. And actually, I kinda like it. When you call yourself a “beginner”—be it cooking or fly-fishing—the expectations are low. This means my soufflé can fall without much notice. I can walk away from a river with nary a fish to my name, and nobody bats an eye. Being a beginner is all about dabbling in the fun, with none of the pressure.
As familiar as I am with the “beginner” routine, I have to say…it’s been awhile since I tackled something totally new. Thus, my beginner status is starting to wane. Cooking, for example? The jig is up. I’m not a beginner, even if I were to attend a more advanced cooking class. And so I’ve grown a wee bit accustomed to my foray into the world of “intermediate”. Perhaps this is why I’m both excited and terrified to add a new chapter to my long book o’ hobbies. Excited to try something new, and reclaim my beginner status. But terrified to try something new and totally tank. So here it is…
As I mentioned in Wednesday’s post, I plan to attend a writing workshop this spring. And I’m nervous. Now, if this workshop were entitled “How to Write a Creative Non-Fiction Blog Post”, I’d feel a tad better. I might not have my cherished excuse of being a total beginner, but at least I could conceivably avoid making a fool out of myself. But that’s not the workshop. The actual focus?
Writing for Young Adults. Fiction.
I’m not sure what possessed me to sign up for this class. Perhaps it has something to do with fulfilling a long-time fantasy of mine–writing a young adult novel. We all have fantasies, and we reach the point where we finally say: I’m not willing to not try this. So yesterday I took the final step—I wrote a check, and sent it along with my much-too-easy registration form. My writing dreams and anxieties—sign, sealed, delivered.
From the second I mailed that form, my status as a “beginner” has been haunting me. (As far as young adult fiction goes, I’m definitely a beginner.) For some reason, I don’t want to cop out this time. I don’t want to have to say, “Well, no biggie…I’m a beginner.” If my writing stinks, I’ll be sad. I’ll be embarrassed. And if my writing doesn’t stink? I’ll still be self-conscious and anxious. I’ll have the beginner façade to hide behind, and this time I don’t want to hide. I want to be good.
Sometimes, it’s no fun to be a beginner. But if we want to grow, we have to begin.
So I’m going to go through with this new goal, armed with nothing but my imagined story fragments and the words in my vocabulary. And, I suppose, some guts.
I need to reclaim my love of beginning. And since my anxiety is only apt to increase over the next two months before the workshop, I have time to develop a game plan. It’s a game plan I believe can be adapted to any new beginning–any time we’re scared of the consequences of trying something new.
My game plan:
1. Acknowledge my anxiety and nerves, but avoid overanalyzing.
2. When I arrive at the workshop (of 12 people total), immediately attempt to charm and befriend my fellow writers so they’ll like me, even if they hate my writing. (Adapt this one to any new group–running, painting, etc.)
3. Recite an array of platitudes in my head, such as “practice makes perfect” and “you have to start somewhere.”
4. Let go, and just write. And listen.
5. Indulge my inner student, and remind myself that I’m there to learn, not teach.
6. Remind myself that it’s okay to be exactly what I am…a beginner. Intermediate can wait.
When was the last time you felt like a beginner? When you start something new, do you enjoy the learning process, or struggle until you achieve mastery? Has anyone been to a writing workshop like this? Is it totally terrifying?
March 19th, 2010 at 6:11 am
I am always a beginner, and if I’m not a beginner I’m “the new one.” I got bored quickly and move onto new ventures often; I love the initial start-up phase of any project, and thrive in this environment. Interestingly, though, I also value mastery and competence, so sometimes these two things work at odds.
I hope you have a good experience at the workshop. I had a marvelous time at Taos Writers’ Conference four summers ago, but I had nearly six months to worry about if I was “good enough” to go. But, I ended up meeting my friend, Emily, of Mothers of Brothers there, as well as lots of other friendly folks. Everyone was very supportive of my writing, and it was such a positive experience. You’ll love it!
March 19th, 2010 at 9:41 am
Congrats for signing up for the workshop! I think that takes a lot of guts. As for the questions you posed, I struggle with my fears of not being good enough, even if a beginner. I have been wanting to take some art classes but feel too self-critical to do it and just let go. So, bravo to you! I hope it is great.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Anne, it feels like ages since I’ve learned to do anything new! I am going to change that though. This is the year that I will take sewing lessons, only 40 years after my parents first tried to force me and I rebelled. All in good time, right? I’m finally ready.
Something tells me you’ll love this workshop and find a new passion.
March 19th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
I smiled while reading this, especially the “ingratiating myself” part. That is so like something I would do.
I cannot tell you how much I admire your bravery and your willingness to tackle new territory.
I think young adult fiction is a highly underrated genre. So much of it is pure SUCKAGE. But when done well (Cormier, Paulsen, Crutcher) it can really make a difference in a kid’s life. It can assure them that they are not alone.
I will follow closely as you embark on this new adventure!
March 19th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
This post really speaks to me. I had avoided trying new things for a long time, until I tackled our master bathroom remodel. It’s been a really painful process: as I reach each new phase, I find that I have no idea how proceed. Only through a long process of research and asking friends do I eventually figure it out. And then I torture myself if things don’t turn out right. In the end, I guess I do it because I enjoy learning new things.
March 20th, 2010 at 6:23 am
I try new things all the time. I like being a beginner and then being the person who helps the next beginner.
March 20th, 2010 at 7:06 pm
This is an exciting beginning, Anne! I can’t wait to see where this new journey takes you. Please have your first YA novel written by 2020 so that my boys can enjoy it when they come of age as adolescents.
Writing for an audience is new to me. I love your “game plan” for your writing conference and I think I will have to steal some of it to apply to my own forays into the world of writing.
Happy weekend!
March 21st, 2010 at 7:38 pm
I’ve been invited to attend a writer’s salon. Similar to a poetry reading but a little more exclusive. Four women read portions of their writing and then we support eachother, sort of like Paris with Virginia Woolf and friends. I don’t even consider myself a writer yet, more of a wannabe than a beginner even. I know I will be out of my element, and also I hope: absolutely inspired and encouraged. Good for you for stretching your wings!