Pick your Metaphor
March’s theme at Life in Pencil is Beginnings.
Posted by Anne
In counseling, the use of metaphor is a crucial tool in a therapist’s toolbox. When working with my students, I adore the use of a metaphor that resonates and captures the point I’m attempting (sometimes ungracefully) to make with my own words. Even better is when a student uses their own metaphor—one that comes from their own imagination. When they toss out these nuggets of brilliance, I latch on quickly; using their words is much more powerful. I believe in the healing potential of a really great metaphor.
When Elizabeth and I first developed Life in Pencil—9 months ago on a sunny weekend in the Northwest—we clung to writing as the metaphor for how we wanted to live our lives. For two women whose friendship revolves around the written page, this made sense. We loved the idea of “rewriting” our lives, and allowing the sequence of daily, monthly, or even yearly events to be sketched tentatively in pencil, rather than pen. It’s a rich metaphor for us, and has so much to say in a month where a theme of “beginnings” has guided our posts. Starting over and beginning again—whether it’s a day, a week, or a life that you need to begin again—is a process of erasing, rewriting, and revising.
While writing is the metaphor that suits us, I’m always amazed at how often in a day I notice another way of seeing Life in Pencil. The metaphors are endless for the philosophy we advocate on this blog. I notice the metaphors when I cook, when I run, and when I travel. And this weekend, I noticed an especially fitting metaphor when I spent four hours sewing.
Side note: 
If you don’t know me well, the fact that I spent an afternoon sewing is a fairly major deal. I come from a family of talented seamstresses (my late Grandmother, my Mom, my Aunt B), and yet I’ve never learned to do anything more than sew a button onto a shirt. So when my extremely talented sister-in-law told me she was teaching a sewing class for beginners, I decided to take the plunge.
It was a blissful afternoon. Time flew. My patient sister-in-law walked us through the steps, and somehow I managed to produce TWO pillowcases!! I developed a deep yearning to buy sewing gadgets and fabric. But because this blog is forever in my mind, I saw metaphors. We sewed lines that sometimes looked straight, and sometimes inched crookedly off their path. We used pins and a special gadget to guide our line, but with our own hand still ultimately creating the path. We learned when to be okay with imperfection, and when to fix our mistakes. We learned to strengthen our stitches, and move forward confidently, even when we felt incompetent. We learned how to rip those crooked seams, and start over. Like I said, the metaphors were endless.
The richest metaphors are the ones we develop ourselves. Of course we want you to hang in there with us—with our metaphors too. But what metaphor comes to mind when you think of living a “life in pencil”? (Particularly the idea of starting over and beginning again when life doesn’t unfold according to your plans…)
Cooking?
Running?
Painting?
Reading/novels?
School?
What else?? And do you sew?
March 29th, 2010 at 6:58 am
Yes, I sew.
So glad you took so much away with you from our afternoon of sewing. It was such a lovely afternoon and I’m so honored to be the one who taught you the joys of sewing.
March 29th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Learning to sew was my New Years Resolution for 2010. Thank you for the reminder! Really MUST take the next step and sign up for a class.
March 29th, 2010 at 7:42 am
I love this, Anne! My mom was also a talented seamstress, and I, too, did not inherit the knack. But I’ve always wanted to learn; you’ve inspired me (whip up something for the baby, will you?). I LOVE metaphors, and used to often use them with clients. You’re right: the ones of our own invention are often more powerful. I’ve never forget a client who described his career as a bicycle wheel, with all of his interests radiating out like spokes from the center. Or the client who said she had “outgrown her pot.” I’ll always carry these with me.
March 29th, 2010 at 8:59 am
Gardening. You can order the seed; plan the layout; put the seed in the ground, water it, feed it, weed it, cuss at it and beg it to grow. But you cannot create that plant. You did nothing to bring its DNA, as it were, into being. Same with your life. I believe, that at some point, we have to recognize that (card-playing metaphor, now) we have to “play the hand we’re dealt”. We do what we can, change what we can, and then, “Let go and let ‘whatever’.”
March 29th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Oh Anne, this post makes me smile this morning – it practically sings with its truth!
I adore metaphors. For me, they are some of the best tools for learning, for understanding my life, for making sense of practically everything. Such powerful tools.
For me, “life in pencil” means planning but allowing for detours, for back-tracking, for changing direction. Accepting that life will take turns, and trying to embrace that aspect of our days.
Yes, I’ll echo Jan. Gardening is one of my favorite metaphors. Nurturing a seed, seeing it bravely emerge from the soil, watching the plant grow in strength and stretch toward the sun. Lovely.
March 29th, 2010 at 10:36 am
What a beautiful post!
I sew. It consists of repairs and hemming because I am cheap and short. A sewing class? Brilliant idea. To bring out the creative possibilities and just to learn how to fix those little annoying mistakes which niggle and take up space in my brain.
Right now the most consistent metaphors in my life come from my brilliant personal trainer who is teaching me to see my body in a whole new way.
March 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Where oh where would we be without metaphors? I love your post, Anne, almost as much as I love metaphors
I read it outloud to Brian and he also liked it.
So, to answer your questions…first off, no, I do not sew. Although I remember sitting in a quilting circle as a small child (when a local mennonite woman was my babysitter) and I think I just poked holes into the quilt and pulled the string completely through countless times “pretending” to be one of the ladies in the circle. As for metaphors, I see them quite a bit, like you. Actually, the example I just gave – if all you do is sew with a loose string…you’re just poking holes in fabric. The stitch is only made when you take the plunge and “tie the knot” – HA!
Ok, that’s all I’ll comment for now. See you Tuesday?
March 30th, 2010 at 8:40 am
I love these other metaphors…gardening, and your additional sewing metaphor, Anne. And I’ve love to have a personal trainer who uses metaphors!!