The Ant and the Grasshopper
Posted by Elizabeth
“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.” ~ Buddhist philosopher Thich Nhat Han
I have always been very good at what those of us in the world of psychology like to call “delaying gratification.” In plain speak, delaying gratification refers to an ability to sacrifice something – usually time, money, or both — in order to wait for a big payoff. It means putting off short-term desires for the hope and promise of something bigger down the line. Have you heard the expression, “Anything worth having is worth waiting for?” Well, that’s a folksy way of saying “delaying gratification.”
Most of my adult life has been an exercise in delaying gratification. I decided to forgo immediate earnings and invested both time and money to earn a four-year college degree. I accepted a slew of temporary or “stepping stone” jobs that offered the promise of moving in the professional direction I was hoping for. I’ve moved geographic locations and lived apart from Maikael for a year at a time – on two separate occasions – to accept better educational and employment opportunities. I spent two grueling years in graduate school with the promise of starting the career I dreamed of. I saved for years to be able to finance an eight-month trip around the world. I did all of this before I even thought of having a baby. While my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, any goal I’ve rewritten for myself along the way has come to fruition as a result of delayed gratification.
It’s difficult to deny that delaying gratification can be a good thing. It helps us build important psychological skills, including patience, tenacity, decision-making and an ability to see the big picture. It helps to set a “master blueprint” for our life. When I was feverishly saving to travel around the world, decisions were easy to make by answering one simple question: “Does this move me closer to or further away from my goal?” But as the quote above notes, there is something about delaying gratification that seems to be at odds with living life in pencil. Once we’ve sacrificed so much for a goal, it can be hard to let go of that goal if it doesn’t work out. When my “dream job” as a college career counselor that I had worked so hard to achieve didn’t work out, I held onto it with an iron grip, tethered by the investment I had made – financial, educational, and psychological – to arrive at that destination. I was temporarily blinded by delayed gratification, unable to erase my plans and start over again.
Delaying gratification also gives me a false sense of security. Because I am more or less successful at it – and because my culture rewards this approach – it’s easy for me to live under the illusion that all of my goals can be met through hard work and a willingness to put my immediate needs aside. Additionally, delaying gratification tends to suck the fun out of life. Maikael and I are both very skilled at delaying gratification, and therefore we have an easy time doing things like “saving money for a rainy day.” However, when it comes time to make a financial decision that isn’t particularly responsible or in line with our long-term goals, we jump on each other’s bandwagons, making all sorts of rationalizations as to why it would be better to simply wait. When I went to Mexico over Christmas, the woman who taught our cooking class asked me why Americans were so uptight. “I don’t have any savings,” she said, “but I sure have a lot of fun.”
The fable of The Ant and the Grasshopper is a perfect way to understand delayed gratification. If you’re not familiar with the story, the ant toils away all summer, making stores for the winter, while the grasshopper frolics in the sun and enjoys its life. When the grasshopper gets literally left in the cold, the obliging ant takes the grasshopper in and shares its bounty, wherein the grasshopper learns A Very Valuable Lesson. In Western culture, the moral of the tale is to be like the ant. But as someone who mastered the ant’s tactics long ago, I think I could stand to be a little bit more like the grasshopper.
Like most things in life, the key is balance. None of us benefits from being “all ant” or “all grasshopper” all of the time. But I’d like to work more towards embracing the life I have today, and worry less about the life I might have tomorrow. As Thich Nhat Han says, I’d like to live life rather than prepare to live life.
Do you tend to be an “ant” or a “grasshopper?” What do you see as the pros and cons of both?
April 27th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Oooh…this is totally inspiring another post for this week. Great post…and a take on the term “delayed gratification” than I tend to use. I think I’m a little of both…an ant when it comes to work, but a grasshopper when it comes to my pesky impatience.
April 27th, 2010 at 6:54 am
Terrific post! I’d never thought of delayed gratification as a raltionalization for postponing life in general. But as I think about it in this light I admit that I’ve done it. Interestingly, I think I go through ant and grasshopper cycles. Lately, I think I’m in a grasshopper phase.
April 27th, 2010 at 7:41 am
What I think is interesting is wondering how much of this is nature vs. nurture. My brother is a complete grasshopper and I’m a total ant. We’re 1 year apart raised in the exact same circumstances by most ant-like person imaginable!
April 27th, 2010 at 10:38 am
I want to be the grasshopper who sings as she toils.
April 27th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
This has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m definitely an ant! Husband and I – like you and Maikael – have always been ants. We diligently paid off debt, saved for a house, survived with one car, built a rainy day fund. These are important things, no doubt. But I do feel it has put our life “on hold” a bit. The other day, Husband turned to me and said, “Why don’t we just book that European vacation and spend the money?” We haven’t done it yet, but the idea is growing on us.
April 27th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
To truly know “The Grasshopper”, one should first come to know a little about Kwai Chang Caine.
Kwai Chang Caine was a fictional television character played by David Carradine in the 1972-1975 TV show, “Kung Fu”. In the late 19th century China, Kwai Chang Caine was the orphaned son of an American man and a Chinese woman. He was raised in a Shaolin Monastery, and was trained by the monks to be a Shaolin master. Here are a few examples of Shaolin teachings:
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Disciple Caine:
Master our bodies are prey to many needs: hunger, thirst, the need for love. Shall we then seek to satisfy these needs?
Master Kan:
Only Acknowledge them and satisfaction will follow. To suppress a truth is to give it force beyond endurance.
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Master Kan:
All life is sacred. Thus the joining together of man and woman is always honored. Apart, there is no life; but from such union, life may proceed.
Young Caine:
Then life must be always defended?
Master Kan:
The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant
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Master Kan:
Deal with evil through strength-but affirm the Good in man through trust. In this way we are prepared for evil, but we encourage Good.
Young Caine:
And is Good our great reward for trusting?
Master Kan:
In striving for an ideal, we do not seek rewards; yet trust does sometimes bring with it great reward-even greater than Good.
Young Caine:
What is greater than Good?
Master Kan:
Love.
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Young Caine:
Master, must I always serve the law?
Master Kan:
Hear the law; serve justice,
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Master Kan:
What is gained by using one’s strength in violence and anger?
Young Caine:
A victory that is swift.
Master Kan:
Yet to be violent is to be weak, for violence has no mind. Is it not wiser to seek a man’s love than to desire his swift defeat?
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Young Caine:
What is the greatest obligation that we have?
Master Po:
To live, Grasshopper. To Live!
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Master Kan:
Perhaps the proper conclusion one can come to is not to come easily to conclusions
Master Kan:
What frightened you?
Young Caine:
[Awoken from his meditation] I heard the Silence, Master.
Master Kan:
You have experienced Oneness [To help Caine understand Master Kan asks Caine about the silkworm]
Young Caine:
The silkworm dies, the moth lives, yet they are not two separate beings but one and the same.
Master Kan:
It is the same with a man. His false beliefs must die, so that he may know the joy of the Way. What you felt in the Silence is real. Something in you is dying. It is called Ignorance.
April 27th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
As someone who was never, ever good with delayed gratification, I have opposite ambitions. However, as someone who has managed to succeed and find happiness even WITH my focus on instant gratification, I know that life is well worth living in many different ways. The key is to find the best fit for you. To live with a certain reference point of moderation, while also pushing yourself toward a full spectrum of choices and answers.
This is a beautiful post.
April 28th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
Excellent post! … but the way I heard the story was with the grasshopper dying in the cold!
April 30th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
As you know I was never very good at saving for that rainy day. Now I’m so glad I did what I did, when I did it. Remember that sometimes life kicks you in the butt and in an instant your world as you knew it has changed and will it will never be the same again. I don’t know how many times I can say it, don’t wait!
May 6th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
This is an interesting post because I would say we made several of the same life choices, but I think of myself as a grasshopper. While my friends toiled away grabbing those great internships and jobs, I did as I wanted. I went for the things that made me happy. I don’t think working toward your goals necessarily makes you an ant. I’ve always seen this story as an attempt to get people to conform to societal norms. Work hard, keep your nose down, and you’ll be rewarded …. but will you be happy?