Life in Pencil is delighted and honored to feature author Aidan Donnelley Rowley as part of our ongoing project to highlight people we believe exemplify a Life in Pencil.  We were introduced to Aidan’s blog, Ivy League Insecurities, nearly a year ago, and have since enjoyed her honest, clever, and heartfelt writing.  We’ve followed her journey to the publication of her debut novel, Life After Yes—a novel with rich characters whose lives are full of choices and uncertainty, as well as joy.  A novel that speaks to Life in Pencil, just as Aidan does.  Enjoy our Q&A, and be sure to check out Aidan Donnelley Rowley’s work—on the shelves, and on the web. 

1.  Our blog, Life in Pencil, is interested in exploring how we “rewrite” life one day at time.  In what ways has your life turned out like you expected, and how has it surprised you?

First of all, I love – and believe in – the idea of living a Life in Pencil. What is existence but an ever-changing draft of our story? I also love the very concept of rewriting when it comes to life and literature; I spend far more time editing my words than I do writing them. Now, for your question! In important ways, my life has turned out how I expected. I always assumed I would marry and have children. And I have done both. Beyond this family aspect, I never once predicted that I would be spending my days in jeans squinting at a bright screen between birthday parties and soccer classes. I never thought I would have a book published. Alas, there have been some exquisite surprises so far.

2.  What are some of the small ways in which you rewrite your life on a daily basis?

For better or worse (and it’s likely for worse), I am a major perfectionist. I am prone to doubt and self-criticism, so every day I tend to go through a litany of things I would like to change about myself, my work, and my life. Essentially, it is as if I am sitting down with a stack of life’s pages with that proverbial red pen. This can be problematic, yes. But often it is a good thing because I am constantly finding ways to tweak the story I am attempting to live.

3.  As career counselors, we’re very interested in the process of how people choose their career paths, especially when their paths are nontraditional. Has your career path emerged according to your plan or in spite of a plan?

This is a very good question and I am not sure I can answer it. Because I don’t really know. Was there some grand plan for me, for where I’d end up? Perhaps. Was it my plan or my parents’ plan or society’s plan? I’m not sure. Probably all of the above. Leaving the corporate law firm at which I practiced briefly was certainly a big risk. The first real risk I’ve ever taken. At the time, the move felt sudden and spicy. But looking back now, with the cool benefit of hindsight, I wonder if I knew all along that I would jump? Maybe the jump was part of the plan? (Told you I can’t answer this one, but I do love trying.)

4.  Life in pencil is all about living our life in the now.  In your own life, do you spend more time thinking about your past, living your present, or planning your future?

I split the vast majority of my time thinking about the past and the future. And I’m not proud of this, but at the moment, I’m not sure how to avoid it. As a writer, I find that I’m constantly mining my past experiences for material and imagining what will happen in the future to me and the other characters in my life. As a mother, I find that I frequently reminisce about my own childhood, using it as a roadmap in my own mothering. I also can’t help but daydream about what’s to come; what kind of people will my girls be? I wish that I were able to focus more intently and organically on the present. Intellectually, I know that Now is everything. Practically, I don’t know how to stay there too long. I would like to work on this.

 5.  What’s something you do that gets in way of living your life in pencil?

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Should. This word creeps into my head and heart and home way too often. I fashion unruly expectations for myself – as a writer and mother and wife and person – and I do this all the time. These are expectations which are not possible to meet and when I do not meet them, I feel bad. I waste time beating myself up. I so often think of how many wonderful things I could be doing instead of chiding myself for what boils down to being human.

6.  Are there times in your life that it’s been easier to live your life in pencil than others?

Of course. We’ve all heard of Writer’s Block and I think there’s something akin to that when it comes to simply living. Life Block. There are soggier times when – often for no good reason – I feel stuck in the metaphorical mud. Times when the air feels damp and ominous and uncertain. Times when I feel like I have little control over life’s pen. But, oddly, I treasure these times even though they can be miserable while I am experiencing them. I treasure them because they are fleeting and because they are raw reminders for me of the texture of existence, of the hard questions, of the rough edges. Without these things, life’s story would lack depth.

7.  How are you striving to live your life in pencil right now?

This is an interesting and surreal time for me. My first novel was just released and I am riding those profound post-publication waves. I am seeing just why so many people compare publication to birth because, in so many ways, I do feel sleep-deprived and like I am at the mercy of raging hormones. At this point, I am very contemplative and am thinking about how I want the pages of my life going forward to read. Do I want to keep going full-steam with the blogging and booking? Do I want to refocus my creative energy on my girls for a while? I’m not sure. But the mere asking, the mere possibility of rewriting Now is critically important to me. Maybe just maybe, there are important and quiet times before that pencil is put to that paper, before those words and worries are crossed out or corrected, that matter more than we think and know?

We hope this Q&A tells you something of the thoughtful writing you’ll find in Aidan’s debut novel, Life After Yes.  Click HERE, and treat yourself to your own copy today.