A New Sabbath
Posted by Elizabeth
Growing up, Sundays were special. It wasn’t because we went to church, because we didn’t, but my family observed the Sabbath in our own way. Sunday was the only day of the week that my mother didn’t work, so, desperate for a rest, the activity of the seventh day usually orbited around home and hearth. Although it didn’t happen like clockwork, more times than not my mother made a special dinner, whipping up a dish that required the kind of tending that only hours at home could provide. Pot roast would cozy us next to rustic apple crisp, steaming up the kitchen windows on a cold winter’s day. Cool slices of banana cream pie – my dad’s favorite – would be dished up in the warm summer months. These were not fancy, complicated meals served on our best, chipped china; rather, they were an everyday centerpiece to our small family of three being in one place, at one time, one day of the week.
As my thoughts turn towards my own soon-to-be family of three, I’ve become interested in resurrecting this particular version of the Sabbath; one that has not religious meaning but a personally spiritual one. And it seems as if I’m not the only one concerned with rewriting what it means to take a day of rest. Over the last year, I’ve noticed the publication of books like Judith Shulevitz’s The Sabbath World and Dani Shapiro’s spiritual memoir Devotion. I’ve dipped in and out of the blog A Year (or More) of Shabbats, tracing one family’s journey to share Friday night Shabbat dinners with friends. Just last week, The New York Times featured an article (also by Shulevitz), Creating Sabbath Peace Amid the Noise, which highlights the different ways in which people are adapting ancient Sabbath rituals for modern times, from eating a special meal to forgoing shopping and disconnecting from technology. Taken as a whole, I can’t help but think that, as a culture, we are itching to bring more quiet, more meaning, and more connection into our everyday lives.
Sometimes I let my mind run wild with visions of the small Sabbath feasts that I will make tradition in my expanding family. Home-cooked meals will be served on the delicate Noritake china that my mother-in-law gifted me. We will toast to the clink of the Waterford crystal goblets that were passed down from my parents. We will sit around the stately cherry dining room table that was my grandparents’, swallowed whole by candlelight. And this will happen every Sunday, without fail. But just as soon as I create this gauzy vision it is withered by reality. Once again, my imagination has set me up to fail, and I’ve missed the point completely. As I think about rewriting my relationship to Sunday, I’d be smart to pay attention to two pieces of wisdom from Shulevitz’s article:
1. “Sometimes doing things halfway is exactly what we need to do.”
2. “The second you write down the rules, it doesn’t work.”
In other words, like living Life in Pencil itself, we’d be wise to create our own version of the Sabbath in a way that works for us, and to keep rewriting it as our lives change. Traditions are wonderful, but we’re more likely to maintain them if we take a flexible approach. As I reflect on the Sabbaths of my childhood, the shards of memories that glimmer from the corners of my mind are those of good food, quiet, and togetherness; you don’t need any elaborate ritual to do that.
Are you as enamored as I am with this idea of the modern day Sabbath? Do you have a Sabbath day ritual, secular or non-secular? What ideas do you have for creating or maintaining a day of rest? I encourage you to read Shulevitz’s New York Times article; it is short, but instructive.
July 30th, 2010 at 8:02 am
Having married a minister, my day of rest will definitely not be Sunday! I rarely spend a day completely at rest and tend to feel guilty if I do. The next time I spend a true lazy day I will not beat myself up about it!
July 30th, 2010 at 10:09 am
Having just moved to Germany I’ve been informed that NOTHING is open on Sunday. So I’m being forced to have my day of rest and I think it will be good for me. I’m imagining lazy Sunday’s where I cook, clean, and iron for the week ahead. Write my memoir and prepare lesson plans. Long bike rides…I don’t know, but I hope it’s as good in my imagination as it will turn out in real life. I’ll let you know in two days.
July 30th, 2010 at 10:12 am
Amanda, I LOVE that you’re going to have an enforced Sabbath, and I’d love to hear how it goes. I remember the days in the States when very little was open on Sundays, and what a shift that represents. And Anne, I think it’s deliciously ironic that the *minister’s* wife struggles to have a Sabbath. Maybe your Sabbath can be on Saturday instead?
July 30th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Elizabeth, thank you for this. The idea of a Sabbath has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’ve been reflecting on what *my* version of a Sabbath would be. I think it should be a personal thing, defined by what makes you feel more centered, rather than something based on rules. As you wisely point out, “Traditions are wonderful, but we’re more likely to maintain them if we take a flexible approach.”
I’ve been watching my father-in-law in his practice of Sabbath, Friday night to Saturday night. For him it means no shopping, no TV, no work. He reads his bible and goes to church, reconnects with family and spends quiet time alone.
I read the NYT article with interest, and visited the “Sabbath Manifesto” site too. The principal that really stuck with me is “Go outside.” For me, connecting with nature is such a powerful thing.
July 30th, 2010 at 11:09 am
Eva, thanks for calling my attention to The Sabbath Manifesto. I appreciate the flexibility of the manifesto, open to interpretation. Once you’ve come up with your own set, I’d love to hear about it. I am posting the link here for others who might be interested: http://www.sabbathmanifesto.org/
July 31st, 2010 at 5:14 am
With great thanks to Maikael, Elizabeth, and Cecilia Thomas, I was able to spend the last two weeks of December, 2009 in Mexico. We stayed in the beautiful town of San Miguel de Allende and we visited the much larger town of Guanajuato during my stay. Of particular note for me was seeing THOUSANDS of families enjoying their Sundays together “walking” down the cobblestone streets and visiting stores and restaurants together as families. There were so many families engaged in this activity that there was hardly room to walk. That was a “renewed” Sabbath for me. Doing “family things” on Sundays was much more common years ago when I was a kid. It was an extraordinary experience for me to see it happen one more time in my life and I’ll never forget it. Thanks again to ALL the Thomases who made it possible for me to enjoy this special time with them.