Callings
Posted by Elizabeth
I’ll never forget the day I finished graduate school. There was a great deal of pomp and circumstance, my tiny family having flown in from all corners of the country to watch me march across a massive stage, my neck proudly ringed by a turquoise sash; it was a day filled with boundless hope and promise as the future unfurled before me. During a post-graduation brunch at a professor’s house, we sat quietly discussing my thesis. Out of the blue, my professor said, “You shouldn’t have studied career counseling. You should have been a writer.” He may have even said, “I think you missed your calling.” Although memory has rendered the exact words blurry, I clearly remember two thoughts running through my mind, each on a parallel track:
This is not what I want to hear minutes after finishing two years of study.
I think he may be right.
After years of trying to “make it work” in the profession in which I worked so hard to gain entry, that second voice – which, at the time, was really more of a timid whisper – eventually won out, and here I am five years later, trying my best to be a writer. I know I’m not alone in this type of journey. How many of us start down one path, convinced that we’ve found our true “calling,” only to discover years later that maybe we weren’t right after all? According to a recent article in The New York Times, “The True Calling That Wasn’t,” it’s a more common story than you might think. We choose careers too early, we get on tracks that we think we can’t get off, or our jobs simply don’t match who we are and what we value. We feel like imposters. In the best case scenario, it becomes clear that there is perhaps not a “true calling” but a “better calling,” and we make steps to manifest that new path.
But more often than not, things aren’t so clear. We know we’re not on the right path, but we don’t know what the right path is. We wonder if an interest we have could be our calling, or nothing more than a personal passion. Once we’ve waded into these murky waters, how do we begin to discern the right path forward? Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. In my own experience the answers haven’t come until I’ve walked down the path a bit, and even then they aren’t wholly clear. When we think of callings, we conjure up images of trumpets and horns, big, brassy voices cutting through the din. But more often than not callings begin quietly, a gentle tinkling of a bell that can barely be heard through the din. We have a hard time trusting our callings because they first present as background noise, but callings are persistent, and if you choose to tune into the static, eventually that little jingle will become a booming timpani.
I recently had a very vivid dream. In it, I was asked to deliver a sermon at a church. But rather than delivering it standing at the pulpit, I was seated at a large, round table amongst the congregation. In my sermon – which was more of a personal essay than anything – I said, “We connect with our spirit through paying attention to the minute details of our life.” I woke up with a vague, yet strong, impression that this dream was the beginning of a calling. I couldn’t shake the feeling that it spoke to the type of writing that I’ll be doing in the future: spiritual in nature; concerned with the experiences of everyday living; and, while reaching a small audience, collaborative and community-building. I haven’t walked down the road far enough to know much more than that, but the fact that I’ve spent days turning this dream over and over in my mind, that it’s taken hold and won’t let go, means that the timpani is readying itself.
Do you believe in the concept of a calling — true, better, or otherwise? Do you think you’ve found your calling, or are you still working to find it? Have you ever had a dream that felt prophetic?
August 9th, 2010 at 6:16 am
I am jealous of your dream and your conviction. That dream was such a blessing. I feel like Gumby–pulled in so many directions, too stretched to think straight.
August 9th, 2010 at 6:22 am
I’m unfortunately with Kitchen Witch…I feel pulled in 20 directions most of the time. i’m impressed you can identify a “calling”!
August 9th, 2010 at 6:23 am
Also….I don’t think we have just one calling in life, or one opportunity to choose a career. You can’t argue with what made sense at a particular time in your life. It’s no less valid, even if your aspirations change.
August 9th, 2010 at 8:11 am
For me, my calling and career have been two different things — with writing being the calling. And while I have found ways to infuse my career with elements of my calling, the two are quite different. I am completely envious of people who can have their callings and careers be the same thing. Although sometimes I wonder if you had to rely on your calling to sustain yourself, would the joy of it remain?
August 9th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Emily, you make an important — and interesting — distinction. There are even separate words to describe these two phenomena: vocation and avocation. Vocation is the thing we do to make money (career), whereas avocation is associated with the things we do (callings) that we’d do even if no one paid us to do them. I wonder, too, about making a calling a career, and if it sucks the joy out of it.
August 9th, 2010 at 9:33 am
I don’t think I have a vocational calling, though I do feel called to work in a setting that is less privileged than my current one, and a calling toward parenthood. As a career counselor I see a lot of folks struggling with wanting to find a calling, especially alumni coming back.
My husband wanted to be a minister since he was a teenager and has thus far followed the exact path he imagined at 18 in his college admission essay! There are certainly ups and downs but he truly thrives on it and I can’t imagine him doing anything else.
August 9th, 2010 at 10:07 am
OMG. I can totally picture and feel how hearing “you missed your calling” right after earning your MA must have been like. GULP! I love the dream you shared and your interpretation of it. I do think it is telling you something important and I look forward to your journey of spirituality, community-building, and more writing.
August 9th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Liz,
I need to carve out some time to read Life in Pencil. Every time I’ve clicked through, I’ve enjoyed what I’ve found. Thanks for sharing.
August 9th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Wow, how exciting! Isn’t it great how your mind – especially the sub-conscious dreaming mind – can make sense of such complicated things? Thank you for sharing this dream, this calling with us. So excited to see it take shape for you!